Should your dog play with other dogs?

It seems to be the thing, that if you have a dog, you think all dogs are the same as your dog. Natural enough . . .

But sadly, not true!

There are all sorts of dogs - bold dogs, funny dogs, friendly dogs, fearful dogs, anxious dogs, rowdy dogs, sniffy dogs, old dogs . . . and every one of them deserves to have their feelings noticed and respected.

If you have a Growly Dog - a fearful, shy, reactive, “aggressive”, dog - then you’ll already know that they need a LOT of space!

The fewer dogs or people they see on a regular basis, the happier they are.

But many folk don’t appreciate these dogs’ need for distance. Their cry of “I want to be alone,” (to quote Greta Garbo) is often not heeded.

So if you are the joyful owner of an easygoing, happy-go-lucky, into-everything dog,

1. Hooray! Enjoy your dog and your freedom.

2. Please spare a thought for others whose dogs are not so ebullient or resilient.

3. Ask the other owner before unleashing your fun-loving dog to “play” with their dog.

4. If play is welcomed, then be sure to interrupt frequently to give both parties a chance to regroup and recover.

5. Ensure play is “equal”: I chase you, you chase me, we run together.

Different dogs like different types of play

There are dogs who love to race and chase - think Collies and herding dogs. There are dogs who love to run at speed - think sighthounds. There are dogs who want nothing more than to roly-poly about on the ground - think Spaniels. And there are dogs who love to crash and bash - think Labradors and Staffies.

Wherever possible, match your dog with another dog with a similar play-style.

A Collie or a Whippet would be mortally offended if a Lab crashed into them!

A speeding sighthound can cause frustration in a would-be chaser, who will take shortcuts and attempt to bring the running dog down by grabbing it, and many sighthounds have very thin skin . . .

And that Labrador would not be amused by being invited to chase round in circles when he just wants to bodyslam.

You can improve your walks immensely - for yourself and your dog as well as all the other dogs you come across on your outings - by observing these guidelines.

And comment below to tell us what sort of play your dog favours!

Watch our free Masterclass to start the change you want

MY DOG DOESN’T LIKE OTHER DOGS: 5 STEPS TO STOP THE BARKING AND LUNGING

First published on positively.com and reprinted here with permission

We’ve all seen it.

Person and dog are walking along the street.

Dog spots another person or dog and goes ballistic. Barking, lunging, ducking and diving, in a flurry of teeth and claws, looking for all the world as if she wants to eat everyone in her path.

Then we see the poor owner trying to deal with this explosion. Usually he tries to restrain the dog physically, shout at her, maybe yank her around on her leash, before beating a disorderly retreat to lick his social wounds and repair his dignity.

The social pressure to appear to be in control of your group - whether they be people or animals - is very strong.

And if we let it, it will make us act in a way we don’t like, indeed a way which is not like us at all!

This can be doubly hard for men.

Why? Because they are expected to be totally in control. And to ensure by whatever means that that control is not challenged or defied. Inability to stop their dog kicking up trouble is perceived - erroneously - as a sign of weakness. So rationality goes out the window, and they act out of character.

The man who was dandling his baby on his knee an hour before is now yelling and yanking his dog about in a way he would hate to see on video. The question is: Why are people so quick to punish their dog?

But my dog is being defiant!

Let’s backtrack a little and find out first of all why your dog is doing this.

The answer, in the vast majority of cases, is fear.

Not aggression, viciousness, nastiness, defiance, stubbornness - just plain, tail-wetting fear.

It may be that the dog was not sufficiently socialised in the critical early weeks; it may be that she had a bad experience which has coloured her perception of strange people or dogs; or it may be that it’s just the way she is.

She’s a delight in the house, brilliant with the kids, but when she’s out she turns into a screaming monster. She sees something that frightens her. She’s on the leash so is unable to flee, so she does her best to look ferocious to repel the invader. She’s shouting “Get away from me! Look - I have teeth! Don’t make me use them!”

None of this is a challenge to your authority! So trying to be the boss is not going to help one bit.

The opposite is true. If your dog sees something that frightens her and then you weigh in and frighten her more, this is going to make matters a lot worse!

Shouting at your young daughter when she shows a fear of spiders is not going to help her overcome her genuine fear of them.

So it is with your dog.

So how can I have a calm walk without all hell breaking loose?

The harsh treatment of dogs advocated by some popular TV programs does not sit well with the way you choose to relate to your family. But there’s no need to treat your dog any differently!

Once you understand that your dog is afraid, this changes your response entirely. She is no longer to be castigated, rather to be helped to cope with a situation which is terrifying her.

This is where your strength and courage come in.

Without fear of what other people may think of you, you’ll be freed to make the right choices to change the dynamic - not just right now, but in the future too.

1. The first thing is to give your dog distance. If the other dog is too close at 30 feet, then get 60 feet away. Think of your little girl and the spider.

2. Let your dog know that she never has to meet a strange person or dog ever again - you will always move her away just as she sees them. Yes - this will turn your previously ordered and linear walk into a bit of a chaotic zigzag, but it will be a calm and peaceful zigzag! This will build her confidence to the extent that this step alone may eventually enable her to pass other dogs without comment.

3. Relax your hands. It’s highly likely (and totally understandable) that whenever you see anything approaching, you tighten the leash in a vice-like grip, tense up, breathe faster, and generally give the appearance of being just as afraid as your dog is! So do the opposite: breathe slowly, lower and relax your hands, say to your dog in a calm voice, “Let’s go!”, and head off in the other direction.

4. Ditch any nasty collars and gadgets promoted for keeping your dog under control. These can only serve to make her more frightened. Imagine putting a straitjacket on your frightened little girl and forcing her to confront the spider! It will magnify the fear immensely. Use a soft collar or harness and a loose lead. No chains. No spikes. No batteries.

5. Reward your dog when she does it right! As soon as you turn away from the impending threat - whether it be 10 feet or 100 feet away - congratulate her warmly on her brilliant self-control! Her lack of stress and distress will be a huge reward in themselves - feeling panicky and afraid is no fun. Always carrying some tasty treats in your pocket will make it crystal clear to her that she has done something that has really pleased you. Dish them out freely when she’s achieved a calm response. Scatter them on the ground for her to hoover up.

Softly, softly, catchee monkey

You are going to make huge strides forward, but you are also going to have setbacks.

See it as a slow progression. Fear is a very strong emotion and doesn’t disappear overnight. You’ll be able to look back in a while and say to yourself, “We couldn’t have walked past that dog a few months ago!”

As you switch from fearing other people’s opinions to focusing on your dog’s needs, you will know that you can make the right choices for your dog’s well being.

 You already do that with your family. Just forget about macho men on the TV beating up their dogs and treat your dog as you treat your children - with empathy and kindness.

It’s not about control, or showing who’s boss. It’s about ensuring the safety and happiness of everyone in your care.

Now you can have the calm walks that you crave!

For a four-part email course that will walk you through this, step by step, head over to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/growly-dogs

 

Why is my dog barking and lunging at other dogs?

“She’s such a lovely dog at home!”

And that’s normally the case. Just because a dog has an issue with other dogs does not mean she’s a bad dog in every way.

You know what a smashing dog she is at home - a Brilliant Family Dog! - and you’d like others to see what you see.

Instead of what they see: A fury of teeth, claws, and noise, who looks as though she wants to kill them, their children, and their dog.

I know just how you feel, because I’ve been there! And changing the way Lacy views the world has been a fascinating journey that has resulted in being able to help lots of other Lacys and their ragged owners.

Lacy is deeply suspicious of everyone and everything on the planet. Her response? To shriek at it to go away; to look her most ferocious; to keep things out of her space by leaping and lunging at them. The most adorable and affectionate (and intelligent) dog at home - with a great sense of humour - she was viewed by everyone else as some kind of deranged monster. But she's come on so much that she is now able to help me working with other reactive and fearful dogs.

It will help you to know from the outset that this type of behaviour is normally the result of fear. Not nastiness, aggression, “dominance”, or any of those other labels. Just plain tail-wetting fear.

Your dog is afraid of the oncoming dog. She needs to keep it away!

So she bares her teeth, makes herself look bigger, and shouts at him.

It’s likely that you get upset and try and rein her in or drag her away. It’s likely that the oncoming dog’s owner is alarmed (and probably looking down their nose at you). And it’s quite likely that the other dog will say “Who’re you lookin’ at?” and join the barking party.

The whole episode is upsetting and exhausting.

You start to walk your dog at the Hour of the Difficult Dog, late in the evening, when everyone is trying to avoid everyone else.

Is this why you got a companion dog?

Let’s have a look at what you can do to change things.

1. First thing is to stop walking your dog

What??? Let me explain.

Can you imagine that you had to walk along a narrow and uneven cliff path with a 200 foot drop. There is nothing to hold on to. The ground is crumbly and sometimes you skid and dislodge a lump of rock that bounces down the cliff and splashes silently into the sea below.

For most people this would be a living nightmare, a “terror run”. You would be desperate to get out of the situation. Your hormones would be racing through your body.

You eventually get home and begin to calm down.

The next day you have to walk the path again.

And the next day …

Quite soon you’re in a state of permanent panic. You dread the cliff path.

You need a break from this terror. Your hormones need to settle so you can see the world clearly. As does your dog.

You won’t stop walking your dog for ever. Just give her a few days’ break so that she can get back to normal. You can play great games at home to give her some exercise.

As neither of you is enjoying the walk, nobody will miss it.

After that, this bit is easy:

2. Teach her that she never has to meet another dog ever again (until she wants to)

And by this I don’t mean you are sentenced to the Hour of the Difficult Dog for ever.

Back to you and your terror run again: rather than staying at home for ever, you have a companion who can guide you. As you approach the cliff path, he turns you away from it and says, “Let’s go this way,” and heads right away from the edge.

Can you imagine the relief you feel? No need to plead with him and say, “Please don’t make me go on the path!” He guides you away to safer ground every time he sees a dangerous path. Your trust in him grows. You begin to enjoy your seaside walks.

So it is with your dog. The moment you see another dog or person heading your way, you give a cheery “Let’s go!” and head in the opposite direction. Your dog will enjoy the fact that she doesn’t have to get upset and go through the shouting routine.

You want to avoid narrow lanes where there’s no escape, so you may have to take a longer route to get where you want to go - or even drive till you are at an open space.

But you don’t want to avoid dogs.

She won’t learn what you want her to learn unless you do it, so eschew the Hour of the Difficult Dog and go out where you will see dogs - but at a safe distance.

These two things alone will make a huge difference to your dog, your walks, your relationship with your dog, and your enjoyment of life with her. If you did nothing else, this will improve the situation dramatically.

But this is just a start: naturally there are lots more things you will be able to do! There are techniques which I’ll show you. But the first thing you need to do to a wound is to stop it bleeding. Only then can you start the healing process.

First, realise that your dog is afraid, and is as uncomfortable as you are. Reasoning with her will not work. Until you can get help from a force-free professional, avoidance is the short-term answer.

Second, remember that you are her guardian and protector - give her the help she needs to cope with our world.

No idea how to start?  This free e-course will get you going: 

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