Can you help my Reactive dog?

This is a question I get all the time!

You get a dog for your life and for your family because of all the pleasure it’s going to bring you.

You’ll be able to care for another creature, teach her and nurture her. You’ll be able to go for long tramps across hill and dale, enjoy a coffee at your local cafe, with friends. You’ll be proud to show off your dog to visitors to your home, and go for group walks with others and their pets in the park.

NOT.

It just didn’t work out that way for you.

Your dog is difficult. She barks at all comers. She shows her teeth to other dogs. You daren’t let her off the lead for fear of what may happen. And as for sitting quietly in a coffee shop or enjoying family visiting your home … that seems a pipe-dream.

And naturally you are grieving for the loss of your dog. The dog you thought you were getting.

I get that. I really do.

But all is not lost!

You really can enjoy many of those things. But you have to change a few things first.

 You think I mean you have to change your dog, don’t you!

Train him to within an inch of his life. Stop him pulling on the lead. Force him to change his attitude to other dogs, bikes, joggers, visitors …

But no, I don’t mean that.

What you have to do is change what you’re thinking! Yes, really! It’s not about teaching your dog a different way to be. It’s about looking at a different way YOU can be. A better way to reach your dog’s mind and make the changes you so devoutly desire.

Many people come to me in a state of near-despair. They think it’s all their dog’s fault. Or they think it’s all their fault.

Can you imagine the relief when they find that it’s neither their dog’s fault NOR their fault?

And the flood of relief they get when they find how easy it can be to change things - once they make the changes to their own thoughts first!

Results

I absolutely love it when I get emails like this one:

“Zoe is so much better in every way – much calmer, gaining confidence, more trusting of life. Thank you Beverley, for being there, and for all you do.”

Or how about this one?

“These training sessions with you really have been invaluable and Romy’s really benefitted so thank you very, very much from the three of us.”

 Or even this:

“The best thing that has come out of this program is that our relationship has just grown and grown – we both trust each other and look out for each other.”

I am touched that I have been able to help these good people and their equally good dogs!

And their results came mainly from how those owners changed their own thoughts and feelings about the whole “reactive dog” thing.

What to do next?

So, in an effort to reach more of you, and to help transform the lives of even more dogs and their people, I’m running a 5 Day Live Workshop specially for Growly Dogs (that’s shy, anxious, reactive, or aggressive, dogs) - entirely free.

I’d love you to come along and start on your own new journey with your much-loved dog.

Click here to find out just what you’ll get and how to sign up!

“I was feeling hopeless, overwhelmed, stressed and isolated. I felt like a failure because I did not know how to help my reactive dog ..... and then, one fine day, I found Beverley Courtney.”

This could be your story too!

Reactive dog? Anxious dog? Aggressive dog? Calling all Growly Dog owners!

Great excitement here at Brilliant Family Dog HQ! We’re getting ready to host the first Growly Workshop of 2019. Click here for details and to sign up, free.

Brilliant Family Dog is becoming known for the free 5 Day Workshops we run. They are hugely rewarding - both for the students who work along for the week and for me watching their fast and genuine progress.

People who had almost given up hope of finding a way forward with their difficult dog find a home with us. A nurturing, friendly, supportive home. They are amazed - not only to find they are no longer alone - but to feel the warmth of hundreds of others who are in the same boat with their dog!

Transformation stories abound:

“Love your workshop! Looking forward to tonight’s live training.You should be so proud of yourself taking the time to help and guide us -  thank you from me and Barney xx” SS

“Beverley you are a marvelous teacher and trainer and writer!!! Way to go! You make it easy to understand so I can follow your directions.  Thank you so much.” SH

“Just want to thank you for giving your time freely for the five day course, I found it very interesting and informative. I did not realise just how anxious my dog actually is. It is also lovely to interact with others who experience similar problems.” JC

“Hello! I just wanted to say thank you so much for the course that I did. I thought you might like an update! My working lab is now eleven months old and from pulling like a steam engine he is now walking beautifully” SO

“Thank you Beverley for your generosity and time over the workshop. I look forward to continuing along this path with you!” AG

“Lulu is taking things slowly but already I have seen a difference. Went for a walk on Sunday with friends and their dogs and she behaved better than any of the others!” PM

How about you and your dog?

 Will you be with us?

As you can see, in just five days you can get a huge boost forward in your journey with your dog. I’d love to reach as many dogs as possible, to change their lives and the lives of their bewildered but devoted owners. That means I need you to spread the word!

Go and sign up straight away and see what you get (there’s a new surprise gift for everyone who joins! Don’t you love surprises?).

But don’t just bring yourself - bring a friend too. Another dogwalker who struggles with their dog. Or someone who tells you they can no longer walk their dog at all because they’re too ashamed and embarrassed.

So if you want to enjoy walks with your dog - to beaches, forests, fields, parks, cafes; to have visitors in your home again for the first time in years; and to simply accept your dog for who she is and KNOW how best to help her enjoy life too, come and join us now.

I’ll close with a moving note from a previous workshopper:  

“There are no words for how grateful I am for the start Beverley has given me.” VB

Here you go - this is where you can join us all, free: www.brilliantfamilydog.com/5-day-growly-workshop-march-2019

Are you thinking of neutering your dog?

There’s a lot more to neutering than just preventing procreation. A huge lot more. But people seldom consider these side-effects in their dogs when deciding to get them “fixed”.

I actually hate that term “fixed”. It suggests that the dog arrived in some way faulty and has to have his or her insides rearranged to make him or her acceptable. This is crazy!

The dog arrives in a perfect state. If we want to alter our dog to suit ourselves, we should be prepared to admit this to ourselves and not in some way blame the dog for being wrong.

There are times when neutering is a good idea and times when it is a very, very bad idea. I’ll break these down for you, in terms of the effects.

How will neutering affect my dog’s body?

There are some medical issues where neutering is the wisest or only course to keep the dog healthy - or just alive. Infection of the uterus in a bitch, and an undescended testicle in a dog would be two of these. One is acute, the other chronic.

There are arguments that this or that cancer or condition is more likely in an unneutered dog. But there are arguments of equal weight which say that this or that other cancer or condition is more likely in a neutered dog. The percentages are tiny in either case.

The other thing to consider here is how removal of the sex hormones affect the physical development of the dog’s skeleton. The growth plates close with sexual maturity, somewhere around 9-18 months of age. So the effect of early neutering - before this age - can be relative elongation of the long bones and consequent disruption of articulation in the joints. The net result can be less efficient movement (no good if you got your dog for working or performance) and then joint problems in later years (no good for anyone).

For help with your reactive, anxious, aggressive, “growly” dog, get our free email course here.

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For this reason alone I think that neutering of either sex shouldn’t be contemplated till the dog is sexually mature. For bitches that would mean a few months after the first season at the earliest. Dogs would need to be 10 months to 3 years, depending largely on the size of the breed. The larger the dog, the longer it takes to mature.

I have now reached the limit of my medical knowledge, so I’ll move on to an area where I’m more comfortable!

How will neutering affect my dog’s mind?

The key thing for me is the effects neutering can have on how your dog is, on a day-to-day basis.

Many people believe that neutering their dog will calm them down. In fact, studies have shown that the opposite is true! Your neutered dog or bitch is likely to be more excitable than an intact dog. So please kick that one to the kerb.

There has been a lot of scientific research over recent years. Studies have to cover a lot of dogs for a lot of years to be of any use, so they take a long time to emerge. I list a load of them in the Resources below. 

My main interest is how neutering can affect reactivity. As you’ll see from some of these studies, neutering can have a big impact on this!

“It has been shown, in a number of recent scientific studies, that neutering - especially early neutering - will increase sound sensitivity, touch sensitivity, fears, and aggression, in both males and females. In some cases that increase is “significant” or “highly significant”. People-directed aggression in females, for instance, was significantly elevated in the neutered bitches studied. (See the Resources Section for chapter and verse on this.) That’s what those studies found. A lot more research is needed to get more answers, and these studies can take years to produce reliable results.

These unfortunate outcomes are - of course - not guaranteed to happen if you neuter your dog! But it’s important to be aware that they just may happen. And if they complicate an already complicated situation, that’s not helpful.

Neutering has the potential to make your dog worse.”

From Essential Skills for your Growly but Brilliant Family Dog

In brief, neutering a dog when he is experiencing fear of anything in the world around him (i.e. he responds to novelty or movement with barking, lunging, trembling, hiding … any action that does not demonstrate confidence) has the potential to make him MORE fearful.

And neutering a female who is already showing fear of other dogs has the potential to make her reactive to people as well after spaying.

You’ll see the facts and figures in the studies below.

If you’ve already neutered your pet, that’s water under the bridge. You can’t change it now.

BUT if you’re happily planning to neuter your dog simply because you think society expects it of you, or your vet suggests it as the automatic next step, please think again.

Once it’s done, it’s done. And if it changes your beloved dog’s nature and makes life harder for both of you, then you’re up the creek without a paddle.

But you have to neuter your dog, don’t you?

And what about the chief reason usually given for choosing to neuter? It’s to do with reproduction. Preventing unwanted puppies. It could also be to prevent bitching, wandering, fighting in males. But responsible management will do this for you! If you’re reading this post, it’s unlikely that your dog is wandering abroad without you knowing where he or she is.

Since neutering became the big thing - the answer to the stray dog problem - has anyone noticed the shelters getting empty? Irresponsible dog-owners will neither neuter their dogs nor contain them. I’m afraid there’s a lot of “preaching to the choir” here. And the fallout is that a lot of dogs’ lives have been unnecessarily altered for the worse, because of only partial education.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing

You need to see the whole picture before making what is essentially a fundamental and momentous decision about the future of the dog in your care.

I’m suggesting that you need to change your mindset from neutering being an automatic next step for your puppy to seeing that you have a choice in this.

In some European countries it is considered barbaric to mutilate dogs, and neutering of either sex is usually only done for medical reasons. At the other extreme we have cultures where people are vociferous in declaring that all dogs should be neutered and it is our duty as a citizen to do this. I’ve had people writing to me from these countries asking if that’s a thing? You can actually NOT neuter your dog? Unheard-of.

In case you think I am on a mission to ban neutering, I can tell you that only one of my four dogs is entire at the time of writing. You have to decide what is right for your situation. I just want you to realise that there’s more to this than meets the eye, and you do have a choice.

RESOURCES

The effects of neutering on health and behaviour: a summary

Neutering Causes Behavior Problems in Male Dogs

Behavioral and Physical Effects of Spaying and Neutering Domestic Dogs (Canis familiaris)

Summary of findings detailed in a Masters thesis submitted to and accepted by Hunter College by Parvene Farhoody in May, 2010

Evaluation of the risk and age of onset of cancer and behavioral disorders in gonadectomized Vizslas

AVMA, Vol 244, No. 3, February 1, 2014

M. Christine Zink DVM PhD, Parvene Farhoody MA, Samra E. Elser BS, Lynda D. Ruffini, Tom A. Gibbons MS, Randall H. Rieger PhD

Non-reproductive Effects of Spaying and Neutering on Behavior in Dogs

Deborah L. Duffy PhD, and James A. Serpell PhD

Center for the Interaction of Animals and Society, School of Veterinary Medicine, University of Pennsylvania

For help with your reactive, anxious, aggressive, “growly” dog, get our free email course here.

     

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My dog has taken over my bed - how can I change this?

I had a recent query from a reader:

“Hi Beverley, Thanks for your informative emails. My puppy is now 8 months old and has been a joy (mainly) but I made the mistake of letting her sleep on my bed and now she is getting bigger. She’s only a small dog but still takes up a lot of room in the bed! Can you give me some tips how I can train her to sleep in her bed?”

This is an interesting question, and I expect many people are saying right now “Yeah, me too!”

Plenty of ideas in this free 8-lesson email course for changing your life with your dog!

   

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Cute puppies can develop all sorts of habits that you let pass, but as the cute puppy becomes a hairier, muddier, larger person, there may be some things you wish you hadn’t allowed in the first place!

This type of question pre-supposes that an established behaviour can’t be changed without difficulty.

Behaviour is just that - behaviour. It’s something your dog does. (Or something we do, of course, but we’ll stick with dogs for now.) So changing that behaviour to something else is just the same as for any other change you want to make.

It’s not a “mistake”. It just is.

So approach this as you would any new thing you want to teach your dog.

1. Your dog is doing something.

2. Decide what you’d like instead.

3. Teach the new thing.

And, of course, be consistent with the new thing. If it’s no bed, then it’s no bed. Ever.

There’s no absolute right or wrong here. If you like your dog doing something that another person disapproves of - then that’s that person’s problem, not yours. We have enough to deal with in life without taking on other people’s disapproval!

You may have been told by some misguided person that this is the thin end of the wedge and that you have to “be the boss” or the dog will take over your house. This is outdated “pack” nonsense. (And as long as the dogs take over the bills too, that’s ok with me …)

Back to the bed question

And it may be that you’re attaching emotion to this bed question. You may be thinking that you’re spurning your dog if you no longer share your bed with her. But your dog is not attaching emotion to the bed - it’s just comfy! And up to now it has been your preferred sleeping place for her.

I’m assuming that there isn’t a resource guarding element to this question, as it isn’t mentioned at all. If your dog doesn’t want to relinquish her place on your bed, and underlines her wishes with wrinkly lips, immobility, or growling, then you have an entirely different issue. Check out this post for help with that. 

Back to the bed … Many people have their newborn baby in their bedroom, and over time move him to another room. As I mentioned in last week’s post about puppies, things change and evolve naturally.

So time for your pup to move to a “grown-up bed” of her own!

A new bed

Make the new bed very inviting and comfy. Depending on your dog’s breed or type, you may want a flat bed she can stretch out on, or if a whippet, terrier, or other tunnelling breed, a tunnel bed or folded duvet to bundle herself up in will go down well.

Using the matwork from Calm Down!  you can quickly teach “go to bed”. Then you can play the game of:

your bed —> her bed

her bed —> your bed

all on vocal cue.

You may need to be persistent, depending on the comfort level and suitability of the new bed!

And you may find that your dog starts the night happily in her new super-comfy bed, but somehow has snuck onto your bed when you wake in the morning. You’ll just have to be vigilant and ask her to go back to her own bed as soon as you feel the bump and hear the sigh.

My own dogs have individual sleeping arrangements. Cricket the Whippet loves wrapping herself in her duvet, and Coco Poodle has a raised bed which he hops onto at night and remains there till invited off in the morning once I’m up. The others can sleep where they like - though they do have beds provided.

So even in the same household - the same bedroom - you can have different behaviours from the different dogs. As long as their needs are catered for, they’re happy.

There are 6 dogs happily hidden in these beds!

Getting a new puppy?

It’s the time of year when many people start thinking about new life, re-birth, flowers blossoming, trees leafing up. And why not get that warm fuzzy feeling of new baby-ness in your home, with a new puppy! 

Great idea - IF you do a bit of planning.

I love it when people write to me that they will be collecting their puppy next week, next month - even next year - and they’re researching now. Love it!

If you’re getting a new baby in the family, you don’t wait till the birth then start researching, purchasing equipment, and asking advice of friends and relations! It’s in the front of your mind for many months. You have plenty of time to work out how you’re going to manage things.

Many parents will have their newborn sleep in their bedroom with them. They don’t panic that they will have a teenage lout still there in 15 years’ time! They know that things will naturally change, move on.

And so with your puppy. When I advise new owners to have the puppy’s crate in their bedroom to ensure a full night’s sleep, I’m met with cries of “I don’t want a dog in the bedroom!” and “How will I ever get the dog out of my bedroom?”

Wrong (and fairly nonsensical) responses. The question to ask is how to settle the puppy in so that everyone rests at night. Once you achieve that happy state, you can start thinking about where you’d like your adult dog to sleep.

Forward planning!

Have your puppy sleep ALL NIGHT from the first night! Get this free guide to show you how

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You don’t want to rush in without at least having an idea of the type of dog you want for your family. And if you’re offered a rescued pup out of the blue, then you’ll know whether this puppy is likely to fit your family or not. You’ll be in a good position to take the puppy or leave it for someone who would be able to give it a more suitable home.

It isn’t our responsibility to try to rescue every abandoned puppy! It’s our responsibility to choose, as far as possible, the right puppy for our home, our family, and our lifestyle.

Of course there is more variation between individual dogs than between breeds. But you’ll get off to a poor start if your idea of exercise is walking from the car to the shop, and you choose a dog bred to tramp the moors for many hours a day, just because you like the look of it. You need to put your realistic head on!

What about my older dog?

Some of you may be introducing a puppy into a household with a resident dog. You’ve so loved your friendly old dog that you’d like to get him a playmate. Do remember that your dog has an opinion too! He may have had nothing to do with the choice process, but he has to handle the fall-out when the puppy arrives. And it may be the last thing he wants - to be harried all the time by a young whippersnapper who he’s reluctant to tell off.

Think how you’d feel if your husband came home with a pretty girl on his arm and said, “I so enjoy having you as my wife I’ve decided to get another - she’ll be a great playmate for you. You don’t mind her sitting in your favourite armchair?” Yeah. Wouldn’t go down too well.

It’s essential to create boundaries to give everyone - including both dogs - peace. You’ll find detailed guidelines in this post.

Brand new to puppies?

Exciting! Lots to learn, love, and enjoy. See what one reader said about New Puppy! From New Puppy to Brilliant Family Dog - How to survive the early weeks and still love your puppy!

“We gave our kids a Westie puppy (8 weeks old) for Christmas. I delayed getting a dog because I didn't grow up with one in our house, and I am frankly intimidated by most dogs. Reading this book ahead of our puppy's arrival helped me feel calm and excited. Even reading the book, I could finally see what "dog" people were so excited by. Since the puppy came, things have been really smooth. We are still working on housetraining (two days later), but he so far he's slept through the night both nights he's been in the house without accident or waking us up. He's incredibly sweet, and I'm so glad I have this method to work with him. I actually told my husband that I wished we had read it before our kids were born as the lessons apply to children as well and took us years to learn as far as the kids go. We are going to take one of the author’s online courses now as a family.” Amazon 5* review

Good preparation PLUS a friendly, clear, force-free, guide had an amazing effect on this family and their new puppy!

The puppy starts growing up …

Yes! In time you’ll be over the baby stage and dealing with an adventurous, boundary-testing, teenage dog (that’s around 6-8 months or so)! You need a whole new set of skills for coping with this - kindly, efficiently, enjoyably. And you’ll be so glad you took the time to lay the foundations so that your dog always looks to you first for information and entertainment.

So check out this puppy page regularly to catch up with the latest educational posts on this blog. And don’t miss the Resources list below, which will give you masses of information for getting started. Many of the posts have a free guide for you!

Do write and tell me about your new puppy, his/her name, age, breed or type, especially personality - and how much you’re enjoying each other. I read every comment and every email. And I love seeing photos! And - who knows? - your puppy may end up as a poster child here or in one of my books (with your permission, of course).

RESOURCES:

Your puppy’s first day home!

New Puppy!

I know he’s only a puppy but …

Choosing a Puppy, Part 1

Choosing a Puppy, Part 2

Choosing a Puppy, Part 3

What puppy gear do I really need?

Errorless Housetraining and Crate Training

10 Ways to Stop Puppy Biting

I have a new puppy - will I ever sleep again?

I have a dog - can I get a new puppy too?

Our family’s always had dogs - why is this one so difficult? (SOCIALISATION GUIDE)

A puppy meets a carefully-chosen older friendly dog. These early meetings must be managed closely!

How can I connect with my dog’s mind?

Teaching people how to understand their dog. This is my aim!

I aim to improve the lot of the dog while employing my particular talents and abilities. I can’t do it all, and there are aspects of dog-help that are quite outside my character. Rescue, for instance. I couldn’t do it. I’d be in a permanent state of meltdown! More power to those who can cover those areas.

So to reach our friend the dog in a meaningful and impactful way, I had to narrow down what I’m good at. And that means teaching people how to get the results they want by showing them a new way to reach their dog’s mind.

Does it work - Yes! 

Do people get good results - OH YES!

My course students are rocking it!

Have a look at a few very recent student comments. Some are from emails to me, but a lot of these come from the vibrant communities set up for the courses. These are a source of continual help and support (and fun!) for the students, who no longer feel isolated or insufficient!

“I think the biggest change is in myself as I feel so much calmer and more confident.” Growly Course

“Me and George always had a special bond but it has just got stronger since starting this course, thankyou thankyou.” Growly Course

“I used to dread taking him out and now I can enjoy it! Thanks Beverley, your training has really made a difference.” Growly Course

“Beverley Courtney, YES, has given us tools to use and I'm forever grateful.” Growly Course

“To be honest, our growly girl is MUCH less growly now!! … my theory is her impulse control is tons better, and also her focusing (on me) when we are out, plus we are BOTH much more relaxed.” Challenging Dog Course

“Hello all, my dog and I continue our slow and comfortable progress, by far improved is our happiness and relaxation together when out and about, I see a shift in his attention … NO has left our vocabulary.” Growly Course

“Your emails and advice are awesome and our 8 month old Lab has grown so beautifully. Your course has taught us so much and training our puppy has been one of the best experiences of my life.”  Free email course

“Thank goodness I found this course and this group. I cannot thank you enough Beverley, I've got lots to learn. It's almost as if my dog already knows it, he has just been waiting for me to catch on hahaha.” Growly Course

“Your focus on self-improvement for the human and choices for the dog chimes very much with me. Your approach and content has helped me a lot as I was feeling a little low and worried that I couldn’t help Dougie overcome his fears. In 5 days I have seen some big improvements for us both …”  Free Growly Workshop

“I cannot believe, in such a short space of time, how well my Working Cocker Spaniel has responded to lead training. I thought calming this little lady would be impossible to achieve. She's 4 years of age and walking out is completely new to her, hence my doubting I could cope. Now I know I CAN cope!! This new confident feeling propels me to want to do more and more to help her. She's so responsive to your methods - no stress, no hard work, 'simplicity in action'. Thank you!”  Growly Course

“I am really enjoying the 5 day course and have loved the enjoyable time with my young dog with no tricky walks, and more understanding. I have learned a lot and realise how much tension I must have unwittingly passed on to my dog. Thank you for everything so far. You’ve given us a new start.” Free Growly Workshop

“I wanted you all to know how much your support has helped my relationship with my beautifully amazing puppy. Xxx” Wild Puppy Course

“Thank you for sending me such useful materials. You are a breath of fresh air!” free email course

“Looking forward to your classes - that non-professionals can understand!” Growly Course

“Think you are a great teacher and loving everything so far” Free Dog/Puppy Workshop

“I love your methods of teaching us humans and our dogs.” Email course

“Thank you so much. Hunter and I have both really enjoyed the training. I really can’t believe what a difference it has made in such a short time and I really feel like I have a connection with him now.” Free Dog/Puppy Workshop

“I've really enjoyed the five days of videos, it’s given me so much to work with. I'm seeing results already and I can see what you teach makes so much sense.” Free Dog/Puppy Workshop

We can’t do it all alone. We need help - we need guidance and we need people who will help us along the path.

◦   When we’re down we need scooping up and setting going again.

◦   When we’re delighted we need someone to share our joy.

◦   And when we doubt ourselves, we need someone we trust to guide us.

I want to change the world - one dog at a time!

Will you join me?

Resources

Growly Dog Course

Challenging Dog Course

Wild Puppy Course

Free Growly Dog Workshop

Free email course? Right here:

Plenty of ideas in this free 8-lesson email course for changing your life with your dog!

   

  THIS FREE ECOURSE IS A BONUS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SIGN UP TO RECEIVE EDUCATIONAL EMAILS AND OCCASIONAL OFFERS FROM ME. YOU CAN UNSUBSCRIBE AT ANY TIME.
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