Dog reactivity - what actually is it?

This post was first published on positively.com and reprinted with permission 

Got a reactive dog? A fearful, anxious, or aggressive dog? A dog who barks and lunges at everything she sees? This is just for you!

My three books on Growly Dogs - Essential Skills for your Growly but Brilliant Family Dog - are full of strategies and techniques to help you with your difficult dog, and I thought I’d give you a chapter from Book 1: Why is my dog so growly? to get you started on the road to change.

Chapter 1: Reactivity - what is it

“What do we mean by this word “reactivity”? Basically, it means that your dog is reacting to his environment, but that instead of being able to assess the situation calmly, make good judgements, and move on, he’s stuck in “See dog: bark!”

You may think your dog is weird - that one moment he’s a happy dog inside the house, and as soon as you step outside he turns into a snarly monster. Imagine you’re enjoying tea and cake at a friend’s house. You’re happy and relaxed. Then your friend takes you to see his reptile collection (Oh no!! Exactly what makes your skin crawl!). In that room full of snakes and lizards, do you feel as comfortable as you were in the tea-and-cake room? And when he opens the cage and offers you one to hold ... that’s when you may panic and need to get out of the room.

Have you ever felt anxious and jittery for some reason? Worried about an interview, perhaps, or waiting for news from the hospital. Every bang or squeak makes you jump! Imagine living in that state all the time.

And at the bottom of this is usually FEAR. The reason your dog is making such a hullabaloo at the sight of another dog (or person, bike, jogger, car, plastic bag, you-name-it) is because she’s trying to keep it away from her. Putting on an Oscar-winning display of teeth, claws, and noise usually does the trick.

The other person or dog may think, “This is a nasty dog, I’m outa here,” or you - in your embarrassment and confusion - take the dog away, or dive into someone’s driveway till the other has passed. Either way, for your dog, the barking and lunging worked! The threat is no longer there!

Sometimes this response is totally misunderstood by the owner, who says, “He drags me towards every dog because he wants to play”.

In a later chapter we’ll be looking in detail at Dog Body Language. It’s possible you are not recognising some of the things your dog is telling you! It will be much clearer when you’ve learnt his sophisticated method of communication.

“Dogs do what works” 

I will be saying this over and over again. Your dog doesn’t have a secret agenda to terrify the neighbourhood; she has no wish to fight with every dog she sees. All she wants is for the thing that’s coming at her to go away. And she’s discovered that her fear reaction of barking and prancing often works. So that’s what she’ll keep doing.

Until ... we show her another way to get the same result! Without anxiety, distress, and disarray.

Your dog is not aggressive, nasty, vicious - any of the names that passers-by may give her. She’s just afraid.

If this comes as a surprise to you, have a look at other aspects of your dog - around the house for instance. Does she jump at loud bangs? Does she bark at visitors? Is she deeply suspicious of any new object in her environment, creeping up slowly to inspect it on tippy-toes with outstretched neck? Does she get distressed when she’s left alone? Is it hard to brush her, or trim her feet?

All these can also be indicators of an anxious dog who is more likely to react to strange dogs, people, or things, when out.

And keep in mind that your dog can be afraid of anything at all. While many reactive dogs are reactive to other dogs, there are plenty who are just fine with other dogs, but terrified of traffic, or tractors, or people, or children ...

But my dog’s friendly!   

Another reason some dogs become reactive is frustration. They may really want to meet every dog or person in the world and expect a good outcome. This may work when they’re off-lead and able to get away (more about that later on), but it may also come apart quite quickly when the other dog doesn’t welcome the intrusion, or is much bigger and bolder than your dog first thought.

Off-lead this can result in a panic response where your dog snaps and barks before running away. There is scope for this to go badly wrong, if the other dog joins in the fray. On-lead the frustration grows very quickly, as the dog does not have the freedom to do what he wants, and little impulse control to deal with these feelings. So he barks and lunges towards the other dog.

The symptoms are the same as for the fear-barker - though the underlying cause is slightly different. This dog’s actions are often misunderstood by his owner, who fears they have an aggressive dog.

The frustrated dog may have poor social skills, racing up to a strange dog and hurling himself in their face, or on top of them. Imagine someone doing that to you in the street: you’d have a thing or two to say, I’m sure!

He may be stuck in puppyhood, thinking that racing up to every dog is ok. This dog needs to learn manners, just as our children do. We wouldn’t accept behaviour from a teenager or adult that we’d accept from a three-year-old child. It would be most inappropriate. And yet many owners think it’s ok that their dog should jump up at every dog they see, just because they think he’s friendly.

Jekyll on-lead, hyde off-lead? 

I find a lot of people saying to me that their dog is only reactive on-lead, and that off-lead “he’s fine!”

I can only say that I’ve never seen a dog-reactive dog who is “fine” off-lead. 

A little study of dog body language will reveal a lot of signs of discomfort in this dog. The only advantage of being off-lead is that the dog can get away before things get out of hand. And because this is not possible when he’s on-lead, we get the “fight or flight” result: b-a-r-k-i-n-g.”

It’s hard to do this alone - but you don’t have to! You can choose to work directly with me and my team of highly-qualified trainers. Start with the free Masterclass for Growly Dogs here

To read more of this book, go to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/growly-books where you’ll find all three books, available on Amazon in ebook and paperback - and a box-set of all of them at once!

Want to know your biggest mistake?

Want to know your biggest mistake? 

It's thinking your difficult dog's behaviour is All. Your. Fault.

Don't you know that blaming yourself is not going to help one bit? or blaming the shelter, that dog in the park, your family, or your dog!

The only thing that will move you forward is understanding. Understanding what's going on with your Growly Dog, and knowledge. Knowing how to change it.

It's really as simple as that!

Loadsa money

But people try to make it appear complex and difficult, to make you think you can't do it on your own, that you have to pay them loadsa money to do things to your dog, giving you methods without explaining anything to you - the person the dog lives with! - as if your dog is broken and needs fixing.

Some trainers will suggest methods that go against your better judgment, your heart.

You got your dog as a companion, to love, to nurture, to share your life - not to punish and abuse.

I'm here to tell you that it is all absolutely unnecessary

There's no need to resort to mediaeval practices - things that are not allowed to be done to people! - in order to get your dog to behave.

In fact, the longer you're asking whywhywhy, beating yourself up, questioning yourself, and trying to put extreme tactics in place, the longer your dog will remain unchanged.

Some of the things you'll be told to do to your dog will actually make her worse. You see, many people, including - sadly - many so-called "dog trainers", think that your dog is being difficult, stubborn, aggressive, wilful - you name it.

Whereas in fact your dog is just AFRAID! 

Your dog is not bad, she’s just afraid.

Do things look different now?

Suppose that you were afraid of spiders. If I shut you in a room full of spiders would you be LESS afraid, or confirmed in your belief that spiders are all BAD?

I know how I’d feel!

But you’ll be relieved to know that you can carry on loving your dog. 

You can continue to see her as your companion. Someone to look after and protect.

And you can still get the change you want, so that your dog - whether anxious, hyper, shy, aggressive - or just plain GROWLY - can become easier to walk, easier to handle, easier to trust - easier to love again.

Hear what Elle said about her damaged rescue dog who was getting steadily worse with several dog trainers:

“Thanks to you and your thorough, kind, humane and effective methods, we have come a long, long way. I never dreamed that we would have been able to come as far as we have. I am thrilled. 

Thanks to you, we are a beautiful work in progress and we have been able to establish an abiding, deep, and loving bond of trust which brings us joy each and every day…”

Want to restore your bond of trust with your dog and make it “abiding, deep, loving, and joyful”?

 I’ll be bringing you more over the upcoming weeks, so stay tuned.

 We can do this together! 

Got a growly - anxious, aggressive, reactive - dog?

Join the waitlist here for priority notification of our next Growly Dog adventure!

COMING SOON! I think you'll love it!

Your dog may be your greatest teacher!

I am firmly of the belief that we are sent the dog we need. The dog who needs to teach us.

And if your dogs all seem to misbehave in the same way, it’s because you haven’t yet learnt the lesson the first dog was trying to teach you! So you get the “same dog” over and over again.

This is not confined to dogs, by the way. We all know people who keep having failed relationships with the “same person”. And folk who persist in the same way of communicating or working which always results in the same disappointment and frustration.

Who is your best teacher?

It may have been an actual, official, teacher. Or your mother, your grandfather, the man in the corner shop, trees, a child, the sky, yourself.

And the lessons may not be the lessons you expected! You are being shown what works, and what doesn’t work.

As James Wedmore puts it,

You either get the result you want, or the lesson you need to learn.

There is no failure, in other words. You always get a result - but it may be a surprise to you . . .

Is your best teacher your dog?

Let’s look at your dog again.

If your dog is ruling the roost it’s because he’s teaching you better than you’re teaching him!

I’m perplexed when I see how people mistakenly treat their 8-week-old puppy as if he has the knowledge and wisdom of the ages.

He doesn’t!

He knows nothing!

I know they’re not nasty people - they have been misled into this way of thinking, by tv personalities who claim to be dog trainers, and by popular perception and old wives’ tales..

But expecting him to “know”, or to “behave”, is as unreasonable as expecting the same of an 8-week-old baby.

In every interaction, one participant is shaping the other.

That is to say, one is calling the shots and the other is complying. This never has to be nasty - imagine you’re dealing with that small baby. There is no assumption of right or wrong, no blame, no shame - just getting things working well, for both of you.

I never want to enforce obedience. I would far rather manage my dogs so that they choose to do what I would like them to do.

And it’s entirely possible!

Though you may need to make some mental adjustments yourself:

🐾 Ditch the concept that you are superior to your dog.

🐾 Ditch the idea that others must obey your “commands”.

🐾 Scrap the thought that failure to comply is outright rebellion and must be quashed! 

Have a look at what this Brilliant Family Dog Academy student had to say, two months into her program:

I’m delighted and love that the dogs seem to be deciding what it’s best to do, so that life is calmer and simpler, and a proper partnership. Thank you, Beverley. MC

Want to know how she achieved this?

Watch our free Workshop to get your dog to listen, and find out just how much of the learning is for you!

Once you change what you’re doing, your dog will automatically change. Exciting!

And when you reflect on all of this, you may find you could do with a bit of help and healing in order to change where you are in all aspects of your life.

Drop me a message and we can have a conversation about how you can achieve what it is you truly want in this one precious life of yours!

Can you help my Reactive dog?

This is a question I get all the time!

You get a dog for your life and for your family because of all the pleasure it’s going to bring you.

You’ll be able to care for another creature, teach her and nurture her. You’ll be able to go for long tramps across hill and dale, enjoy a coffee at your local cafe, with friends. You’ll be proud to show off your dog to visitors to your home, and go for group walks with others and their pets in the park.

NOT.

It just didn’t work out that way for you.

Your dog is difficult. She barks at all comers. She shows her teeth to other dogs. You daren’t let her off the lead for fear of what may happen. And as for sitting quietly in a coffee shop or enjoying family visiting your home … that seems a pipe-dream.

And naturally you are grieving for the loss of your dog. The dog you thought you were getting.

I get that. I really do.

But all is not lost!

You really can enjoy many of those things. But you have to change a few things first.

 You think I mean you have to change your dog, don’t you!

Train him to within an inch of his life. Stop him pulling on the lead. Force him to change his attitude to other dogs, bikes, joggers, visitors …

But no, I don’t mean that.

What you have to do is change what you’re thinking! Yes, really! It’s not about teaching your dog a different way to be. It’s about looking at a different way YOU can be. A better way to reach your dog’s mind and make the changes you so devoutly desire.

Many people come to me in a state of near-despair. They think it’s all their dog’s fault. Or they think it’s all their fault.

Can you imagine the relief when they find that it’s neither their dog’s fault NOR their fault?

And the flood of relief they get when they find how easy it can be to change things - once they make the changes to their own thoughts first!

Results

I absolutely love it when I get emails like this one:

“Zoe is so much better in every way – much calmer, gaining confidence, more trusting of life. Thank you Beverley, for being there, and for all you do.”

Or how about this one?

“These training sessions with you really have been invaluable and Romy’s really benefitted so thank you very, very much from the three of us.”

 Or even this:

“The best thing that has come out of this program is that our relationship has just grown and grown – we both trust each other and look out for each other.”

I am touched that I have been able to help these good people and their equally good dogs!

And their results came mainly from how those owners changed their own thoughts and feelings about the whole “reactive dog” thing.

What to do next?

So, in an effort to reach more of you, and to help transform the lives of even more dogs and their people, I’m running a free Masterclass for your Growly Dogs (that’s shy, anxious, reactive, or aggressive, dogs) - entirely free.

I’d love you to come along and start on your own new journey with your much-loved dog.

Click here to find out just what you’ll get and how to sign up!

“I was feeling hopeless, overwhelmed, stressed and isolated. I felt like a failure because I did not know how to help my reactive dog ..... and then, one fine day, I found Beverley Courtney.”

This could be your story too!

And to get started straight away with lessons to help your Growly Dog cope with our world, watch our

Free Masterclass for Growly Dogs

Reactive dog? Anxious dog? Aggressive dog? Calling all Growly Dog owners!

Great excitement here at Brilliant Family Dog HQ! We’re getting ready to host the first Growly Workshop of 2019. Click here for details and to sign up, free.

Brilliant Family Dog is becoming known for the free 5 Day Workshops we run. They are hugely rewarding - both for the students who work along for the week and for me watching their fast and genuine progress.

People who had almost given up hope of finding a way forward with their difficult dog find a home with us. A nurturing, friendly, supportive home. They are amazed - not only to find they are no longer alone - but to feel the warmth of hundreds of others who are in the same boat with their dog!

Transformation stories abound:

“Love your workshop! Looking forward to tonight’s live training.You should be so proud of yourself taking the time to help and guide us -  thank you from me and Barney xx” SS

“Beverley you are a marvelous teacher and trainer and writer!!! Way to go! You make it easy to understand so I can follow your directions.  Thank you so much.” SH

“Just want to thank you for giving your time freely for the five day course, I found it very interesting and informative. I did not realise just how anxious my dog actually is. It is also lovely to interact with others who experience similar problems.” JC

“Hello! I just wanted to say thank you so much for the course that I did. I thought you might like an update! My working lab is now eleven months old and from pulling like a steam engine he is now walking beautifully” SO

“Thank you Beverley for your generosity and time over the workshop. I look forward to continuing along this path with you!” AG

“Lulu is taking things slowly but already I have seen a difference. Went for a walk on Sunday with friends and their dogs and she behaved better than any of the others!” PM

How about you and your dog?

 Will you be with us?

As you can see, in just five days you can get a huge boost forward in your journey with your dog. I’d love to reach as many dogs as possible, to change their lives and the lives of their bewildered but devoted owners. That means I need you to spread the word!

Go and sign up straight away and see what you get (there’s a new surprise gift for everyone who joins! Don’t you love surprises?).

But don’t just bring yourself - bring a friend too. Another dogwalker who struggles with their dog. Or someone who tells you they can no longer walk their dog at all because they’re too ashamed and embarrassed.

So if you want to enjoy walks with your dog - to beaches, forests, fields, parks, cafes; to have visitors in your home again for the first time in years; and to simply accept your dog for who she is and KNOW how best to help her enjoy life too, come and join us now.

I’ll close with a moving note from a previous workshopper:  

“There are no words for how grateful I am for the start Beverley has given me.” VB

The workshop is now over, but you can watch our free Masterclass for Growly Dogs here!

I have a difficult dog - How can I get a break?

If there’s one thing Growly Dog owners know - it’s that sometimes you just need a break!

However much you love your gorgeous darling reactive dog, it has the potential to become wearing. You don’t want your dog to become a burden! So taking a break, whether for work or pleasure, can let you see how the other half lives while reinforcing your good feelings for your dog - Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that.

A change can also be a good thing, so holidaying with your pet is way up there on the to-do list for many reactive dog-owners. And it may not be as difficult as you think!

How to get a holiday at all

As I have four dogs, holidays in hotels and b&b’s - though possible in theory - really were not fun. All this changed when I got a campervan and I’m now able to swan off with my dogs to all sorts of interesting places - beaches, forests, fields, moors - and enjoy the trip thoroughly.

No campervan? You can rent one!

There are also many places - certainly in the UK - where you can rent a holiday cottage in the depths of the countryside, and dogs are welcome. They often have a well-fenced garden and ready access to walking country, though you’d need to check that first. For me that’s definitely the second-best thing to the van (well, first-best thing in the depths of winter!), and I’ve been introduced to some great new places to explore that way.

So holidaying with your dog, even a very reactive one, is definitely possible. And I know that lots of people set off with some misgivings, only to find that the whole family has a wonderful stress-free time - including, sometimes much to their surprise, their dog!

What about when I can’t take my reactive dog?

But what happens if you can’t take your dog with you and you have to travel? This was me recently, with a business trip. I was fortunate in that I know an amazing place where dogs - especially reactive dogs - are not just welcome, but thoroughly catered for and pampered. It’s not near me - I have to travel two hours to get there - but is it worth it? Heck, yes!

The comfort I get from knowing my precious dogs are in safe hands, with someone who absolutely understands their needs, their individuality, their fears, is priceless. And, of course, this 5* treatment is not cheap. But how much value do you put on your dog’s safety and your own peace of mind?

Now I know a safe place for them, I need have no qualms about future trips away from them.

Previously I would only be away for a day. Then I’d get a carefully-chosen dog minder to visit them two or three times in the day. I didn’t want them walked, just given a break, let out, and played with. This works very well for me, but is limited to just the one day - and a minder who they’ve met and “approved”!

“My dog is such a tie”

So don’t let the fact that your dog does not strew rose petals and rainbows wherever she goes prevent you from taking a holiday - with or without her.

The time to do your research is now, not five minutes before you want to go. You’ll have time to seek advice, check out the places, and carefully get to know the person who will be caring for your dogs.

You’ll have some searching questions if you’re leaving your dog with someone else, and you need to get those questions answered thoroughly. In the case of the place my dogs stayed at, several visits beforehand are a part of the package, so your dog isn’t dumped in a strange place with strangers, and so that you can check out the carer and the premises.

You can see the bond they developed with Clair in this video of the welcome they gave me on my return. They kept running back to her (with the camera) to tell her the exciting news! This is one of many videos and photos sent to me, most while I was away.

Is your dog throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch oWatch our free Masterclassr free Masterclass and find how to change things fast!