Do you hit your dog?

Of course you don’t hit your dog!

You wouldn’t be here in Brilliant Family Dog if you did!

But the thing is, you don’t need to actually hit someone for them to feel bad about you.

This is so for dogs as well as for people.

Different forms of punishment

So you may ignore your dog. Lots of “dog trainers” tell you to do that.

Now imagine how you’d feel if a loved one ignored you! Refused to speak to you!

🐕 Wouldn’t you creep and crawl inside?

🐕 Feel like a worm?

🐕 Wonder what you’ve done to upset them?

🐕 No idea how to put things right?

That’s just how your dog would feel!

I think that if I offended someone, I’d much rather they explained to me how I had done so, so that I could put it right in the future, and not repeat my mistake.

So you can do the exact same with your dog.

Just show him that what he did didn’t work. Ask him again, and when he gives the smallest hint of doing what you’d prefer, reward that - fast and fully!

Dogs are Doers. They are not Not-Doers.

Leaving your dog in a vacuum of silence will not help him understand one bit.

Old saws are not necessarily right!

There’s a saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

I couldn’t disagree more!

How someone feels about you is so important to you! If someone is unkind to you, or unfair, doesn’t that hurt? With real pain?

If they say harsh things, wag a finger, shout in your face, isn’t that frightening?

Your dog is the same!

Punishment rewards the punisher

You see, punishment rewards the punisher.

The only person who benefits is the person doing the punishing, in whatever form - whether hitting, shouting, abusing, belittling - they are the ones who get a gratifying feeling. Some even get a visceral thrill.

While punishment does little good to the one being punished.

Yes - it may temporarily suppress behaviour (just long enough for the so-called trainer to cash your cheque) - in the presence of the punisher. But it’s not going to stop it, because there is no CHOICE involved on the part of the victim.

Giving your dog, or child, or friend, or colleague, a choice in how they respond is critical for them to learn and want to repeat that choice.

Losing your temper

Yep! I put my hand up, along with the rest of the universe! We can all lose our temper, get frustrated, reach the end of our tether.

But if you give in to the moment and - even just yell at your dog - how does it make you feel?

Do you feel proud of yourself?

Or do you realise that you have just taken a chunk out of your relationship with your dog, which will have to be restored double-quick?

And what if children were watching? What have they learnt, about you, about how to manage people, how to manage animals?

What if another adult was watching? What do they now think of you? Do you like what they’re thinking?

Looking at things from an outside point of view can help us see more clearly what we are doing!

Yes, we can all have uncharacteristic outbursts. But before you justify yourself to yourself by saying the dog was driving you mad, was not listening, was being deliberately difficult - keep in mind that your dog is from another species. He doesn’t understand verbal language (he associates sounds, sure, but not as we do).

We are honoured to be able to forge an unbreakable bond with the dog in our care.

We are blessed to have this learning every day - of working out why creatures (people or dogs) do what they do, and how we can get them to fit in with our plans without any coercion, force, or intimidation.

Gobbledygook!

And if this all sounds like outer gobbledygook, do watch my free Workshop here . It shows you what may possibly be a new way to relate to your dog.

As this correspondent says:

“Your teaching is a revelation! Honestly I’ve spent 40 years doing what I thought was right. Now, as soon as my new puppy chooses to do something I want she gets a reward. I hope - thanks to you - I’m getting it more right than I used to.” JP

And that dog-owner had learnt all that from my books! Want to see what you can learn too? Head over to this page. And we can both benefit from you buying direct from the author (that's me!)

Is your new dog not as easy as your old dog?

Got a new puppy?

Exciting!

All your hopes for the perfect dog rest in this wide-eyed little ball of fluff!

And as soon as you get started with him, he fails.

But how on earth can an 8-week-old puppy be failing? 😱

He wees everywhere, he chews everything, he pulls on the lead, he keeps you awake and barks the house down when you leave …

This may all be true (HINT: it needn’t be! Your new puppy can be sleeping through the night from Day 1, never chew anything you don’t want him to, walk nicely on the lead, and be comfortable in your absence - start the Brilliant Family Dog program by watching this free Workshop)

So - maybe it’s true. But the reason you think your little puppy is failing, being difficult, challenging, awkward, time-consuming, and all the rest - is because you are comparing him with your previous dog!

Your old dog

Your old dog was perfect in every way.

Fitted your household like an old slipper.

• Never chewed anything

• Always asked if he needed to go out

• Walked nicely beside you and never ran off

• Slept like a log and greeted you happily when you came home.

And this too may be true.

But your old dog was 14 (or 12 or 17) when he died. He’d spent his whole life learning how to rub along with you.

And you’ve TOTALLY forgotten the anguish and trouble of his puppyhood!

You are seeing your lovely old pet through rose-tinted spectacles.

 Of course he took time to housetrain!

Of course he chewed things (whether they were things you wanted him to chew or things he stole is entirely down to your supervision at the time)

Of course he hauled you about on the lead (until you taught him different)

Of course the baby cried when you left him, till he learnt to trust you.

This is a NEW puppy

This is a NEW puppy. A NEW person. Yes, he’s a dog, and he may even be the same breed as your previous dog, but he is an individual.

And he needs to be treated and loved as an individual.

Not continually compared with the paragon which was your last dog in his last years.

For me, this is the joy of having a new puppy! A new person to get to know - his fears, his foibles, his character - what he enjoys, what he loves.

Your old dog was wonderful and your new dog will be wonderful too.

Just cut him some slack and learn with him and here’s that free Workshop where you can begin your journey with your new puppy:

Here’s a free Workshop to

get you started.

“Pandemic puppies” are now coming home to roost

Who do you know who became a first-time dog owner during lockdowns? There are about a million in the UK alone, according to evidence being given to a Commons (British Government) Select Committee investigating pet welfare and abuse.

Sadly, the huge demand for dogs when people were feeling lonely in the pandemic led to massive growth in the shadier sides of dog supply, from puppy farming to feed the demand for fashionable “designer dogs” (and there have been some high-profile shockers exposed recently, even in the dog training world) to the wholesale importation of random street dogs from other countries.

In both of these cases, the dogs are the ones who suffered most.

In the puppy farms the bitches and dogs suffer abuse and mistreatment. Along with their puppies they endure a deprived existence. What damage this does to the pups’ state of mind! What hope for them to become a well-adjusted adult dog?

The mass importation of any street-dog that can be netted and caught, mostly from East European countries with a poor reputation for animal treatment, leads to predictable problems of acclimatisation. Dogs who have known only fear and privation do not become perfect British pet dogs overnight!

But now the new owners are suffering!

Many of these first-time dog purchasers had done no homework. They had no idea about dog and puppy developmental stages, dog socialisation and habituation, suitable ways to rear a “normal” dog, and specialist ways to rehabilitate an abused or deprived dog.

They bought into the image of the perfect companion, apparently totally unaware that a dog can take from 18 to 36 months to mature and become anything resembling the finished article.

Many of these folk didn’t do what they should have been doing for their new dog, and this has naturally resulted in problem behaviours in some dogs - anything from separation anxiety to aggressive behaviour, not to mention incomplete housetraining, inappropriate playbiting, hauling them about on the lead, and zero recall.

So it’s no surprise that now people have gone back to work and are no longer lonely, the shelters are bulging with abandoned dogs.

Get a vet check!

One of those giving evidence, Dr. Gaines of the RSPCA, advised “anyone who had seen sudden behaviour changes in their dog to go to a vet, who will be able to rule out any medical causes.

“If the dog gets a clean bill of health, the owner should then seek help from an animal behaviour specialist, preferably one that is a member of the Animal Behaviour and Training Council.” (I’m a member of the ABTC.)

Note that Dr. Gaines does not want you to get behaviour modification advice or training from your vet! Their skills lie elsewhere. It’s a qualified trainer you need!

One of the problems with these pandemic puppies is that prices sky-rocketed due to the headlong rush to grab a dog - any dog - so that as well as getting a poor specimen in many cases, people had no money left for veterinary care or learning how to get the best out of their life with their dog, aka dog training.

Shady practices

Dealing with these heartless people who view dogs as commodities, simply there to make them money for the least amount of effort, is gradually being addressed by the lawmakers.

Puppy farming is a loathsome practice, and results only in distress for the “products” (dogs) and the “consumers” (people).

Capturing feral dogs and transporting them in large numbers across Europe in the back of a van is equally as abhorrent. Many dog trainers earn a lot of their (usually modest) incomes from trying to rehabilitate these unfortunate victims of the demand for dogs.

Dogs can actually learn all through their lives - though the worse the start the harder the change can be to accomplish. But never give up hope! There are wonderful kind and dog-friendly ways to help your dog cope with our strange world.

So where can I get a dog?

You can go to a proper breeder and get a puppy that has been reared with knowledge and with love. This normally means someone who breeds only when they want to keep a puppy themselves. Not someone with sheds full of random bitches kept in the dark.

Remember that in the UK Lucy’s Law requires that the mother should be seen with the puppies. Lots of dog greeders will come up with any excuse for not doing this - along with many other tricks of the trade - and some will park any old dog with the pups in order to deceive. You really do need advice from an experienced dog-person! Here’s an article to help you weave your way through the maze.

The shelters are bulging with rejected dogs right now, and yes, many of them will be foreign imports, so if you’re desperate for some reason to adopt a street-dog or a so-called designer dog, you can still do so without encouraging this dodgy trade.

Need a bit of help?

And if you’re having trouble with your dog, whether a pandemic puppy or not, we can help you! There are over 300 articles here at www.brilliantfamilydog.com and we have free workshops, masterclasses, email courses, books, and guides, along with low-cost online programs and books. Have a look at the menu at the top of this page to see them all.

There’s no need to miss out on getting a great life with your chosen pet, however inauspicious the start!

Here’s a free Workshop to get you started.

Where should you get your dog advice?

I was distressed recently by a reader.

Now I have to say I love answering readers’ queries, and helping them get the best for their dog and themselves, in their particular circumstances. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

If they’re asking it’s because they realise they don’t know the answer, and want help. But sometimes you get someone who doesn’t want to learn . . .

This person wanted to know why her 8-week-old medium-size puppy cried all its first night. I asked her a few questions while giving her resources. It seems this tiny puppy had been fed six hours before bedtime and was expected to last on this till the next morning.

No wonder it couldn’t sleep!

The poor puppy was starving!

At that age it should have been on 4-5 meals a day. I explained this to my correspondent, giving resources again.

And she replied that the vet had said this 8-week-old puppy should be fed half a cup of food twice a day only. For English readers, this would be about 3.5 oz of food in total - enough to keep a sparrow alive.

Clearly no proper vet would say such a daft thing! She simply must have misunderstood somehow.

To cheer you up in this tale of woe, here’s a nice full puppy sleeping!

By the way, for English readers, here’s a load of money off a super food I regularly use and here’s another where you can get a big discount using this link - they provide high-quality fishy treats and foods, which are firm favourites with my crew!

But it set me thinking …

In this case the vet was asked about feeding - something that should come squarely within the vet’s remit.

But so often people take behaviour advice from their breeder (that’s fine if it’s a real breeder and not a puppy farmer or designer-dog “greeder”), or their groomer, or their vet, or the milkman . . .

Behaviour advice should be taken from people who are trained in dog behaviour!

Simple as that!

😳 You wouldn’t ask your hairdresser about a skin disease - you’d go to the doctor.

😮 You wouldn’t ask your gardener why your house is falling down - you’d go to a builder or engineer.

So please - don’t take behaviour advice from anyone but a qualified dog trainer/behaviourist!

And if the advice you get makes no sense (who’d feed a small baby twice a day with a set amount of food?) don’t do it!

***

Footnote: What happened to that puppy? I have no idea. The owner told me my advice would only work for people who didn’t work, then unsubscribed. Presumably they leave the puppy alone all day while they’re out - afraid, lost, and starving. So upsetting . . .

I do what I can to change people’s approach to dogs. One dog at a time. This was one I couldn’t reach.

But hey! You’re reading this, so you understand and know just what I mean!

We have to keep spreading the word.

And if you know someone who’s just got a puppy and is struggling - send them here so they can start the right way!

I don’t have time to train my dog!

Do you get to the end of the day - or worse, the end of the week - slump into your armchair and say, “Oh no! Forgot to train the dog!”

I understand. Our lives are already full to bursting with all the things we have to do .. and all the things we think we have to do .. and fitting in lengthy dog training sessions just seems to slip through the cracks.

But the trick is - don’t have lengthy sessions! If you do want to have a training session, then by all means do - but five minutes is the most you’ll normally need. (That is until you get into serious competition or performance training - which perhaps you never will want to do.)

For getting our family dogs and puppies on the same page as us - and becoming the perfect companion we wanted when we went to all the trouble to find them! - you need to use All Day Training.

All Day Training

“Wossat?” you say.

Well, it’s my recipe for getting my dogs trained at the same time as running a couple of businesses and writing books.

It’s how you can manage your family, your work, and your dog!

You see, all day long you are interacting with your dog. Every interaction is a training opportunity - it’s not isolated to lessons or classes.

And all day long you have the chance to ensure that that interaction is moving you forward in life together.

My puppy needed ONE DAY to learn that jumping at the door of the crate or playpen resulted in no escape, while sitting automatically opened the door!

It took another week or so (nine weeks old) to learn that staying sitting when the door is opened is a new requirement to get out.

And then a week (now ten weeks) to learn that this works on house doors too. No door-crashing! No squeezing through cracks!

And how long did this valuable lesson take?

Just a moment.

Just a thoughtful pause in my daily doings.

Instead of throwing the crate door open and being thumped amidships by a wild puppy, I just needed to consider what I would like him to do, then ensure that that was built into our daily round.

The beginnings of an ACE Recall

Another skill your dog can be learning, without effort, all the time, is to respond immediately to his name.

Without this, you’re going to be shrieking and yelling when you want him to bound back to you across a field!

How to get your dog to LURVE his name? You need The Precious Name Game …

.. and you can find out exactly how to play The Precious Name Game in our free Workshop here.

What else?

You can extend this method to everything you want your dog to learn.

You want him to pick things up for you? Incorporate that into your interactions with him.

You want him to greet people politely? Start with teaching him how to greet you politely. And you should have many, many, opportunities in a normal day to do this. Don’t forget to keep this in mind when you’re returning from an outing and he’s going to be extra-excited - this is the ideal time to test your teaching!

You'll find lots more tips and new ideas in my books. And did you know that buying direct from the author can save you money? Go check them out!

What else would you like your dog to learn with so little effort from yourself?

Comment below and let’s take a look at how you can do that!

Why do people want to fight with their dog?

I’m not, of course, talking about people organising dogfights - which is barbaric and against the law in most civilised countries.

What I’m talking about is the need people often have when they get a dog, to order it about, “command” it, make it do things, stop it doing things, control it, in general have a master-slave relationship.

Do they get a dog because they need someone to boss about?

Thing is, this is a-a-a-a-ll conflict.

Conflict-based.

This is what leads them to complain that their dog is “stubborn”, “defiant”, “ignores me”.

The way some people want to be with their dogs is centred on conflict.

And it’s a mystery to me!

Love

The great dog trainer and trailblazer in how we treat our performance dogs is Susan Garrett.

And she saith:

Dog training is really relationship building

 This is what it’s all about, guys!

It’s not about making your dog do something, or stopping it doing something.

It’s about developing a relationship with your dog, living a full and enjoyable life with another creature. From another species, sure - but a sentient being who can work things out, solve problems, seek pleasure, who has fears, likes and dislikes, JUST LIKE US!

Remember Shylock’s impassioned speech in The Merchant of Venice?

“If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?”

He was talking about being a Jew. He could have been speaking as a dog, or any other animal!  

Frustration

If you’re frustrated with your dog on a daily basis, I suggest that it’s because you are looking for Confrontation and Conflict on a daily basis.

It’s an “I’m right, so you must be wrong” approach. Whereas anyone who has ever lived happily with another person knows that it’s Compromise and Compassion that win the day.

If you’d like to find a better way to live with your dog - to banish conflict from your life and have fun instead - start with our free Workshop here and sprinkle a little stardust in your home!