How can I help my fearful dog?

So many of us battle daily on our walks. 

• Will my dog react to that dog/person/car? 

• Is there anyone coming?

• Help! This is so stressful … What can I do??

There are answers. But they take commitment and perseverance.

And then the rewards are marvellous! 

Worth a try? 

“I did not realise just how anxious my dog actually is. It is also lovely to interact with others who experience similar problems.” JC

BAT for dogs

This is a very condensed version of BAT for dogs. (That’s Behavior Adjustment Training designed by Grisha Stewart.) You can learn the full system here: From Growly Dog to Confident Dog

But for now, let’s just get you started on the principle of the thing. 

Your dog sees something that alarms him.

He fixates. He’s deaf to you. He’s focussed on what’s ahead.

He’s probably straining into his lead, ready to erupt.

This tension on his collar or harness is actually exacerbating the situation: he feels trapped! This is life or death! 

Now, the first thing for you to do is work out what is a “safe distance” for your dog. 

This may be 25 yards - more probably 50 or 100 yards. 

So your first step is to make distance.

Once you are far enough away from the approaching hazard to lessen your dog’s fears, what you need to do next is

RELAX THE LEAD!

Now I know this may not be easy. As soon as you relax the lead your dog jumps another yard forward .. This tells me you’re still too close.

You should be able to get to a distance where he’s not straining forward in his anxiety. 

This is when you relax your lead.

(If he shuffles forward, gently draw him to a stop - then relax the lead. This does work!)

Suddenly, peace and light descends!

“It is so kind of you to offer this for free, it really shows that you are passionate about helping people to make a positive change and helping all those anxious dogs.” GC Register for the free Growly Dog ecourse

Your dog can relax. He may be sitting or standing, but he’s standing freely on a loose lead, his legs are under him, not pushing out behind. Now he’s able to study the danger dispassionately. 

And you know what? 

There’s a very high chance he’ll say “Ah well,” and turn away and start sniffing or mooching. 

Bingo! 

That’s just the result you’re looking for. 

Not only has your dog not erupted (phew!) but it was his decision to stay calm. 

Yes, you helped him, but it was the dog who decided.

What next?

In time, you’ll find this is a new sport for you. You’ll actually be seeking out your dog’s triggers (the things that upset him - dogs, people, cars, whatever) to work on this!

You’ll be developing a new connection with your dog - not fighting him, trying to hold him back before he lunges and barks - but helping him take it all in his stride.

Worth doing? 

These images are excerpts from detailed videos from real BAT sessions with real growly dogs. They’re all in the comprehensive program, From Growly Dog to Confident Dog, with detailed analysis.

Come over to my.brilliantfamilydog.com and find out what you can learn there to make this dream a reality. Thousands of dog-owners already have - you won’t be alone! 

“ Beverley I want to thank you for helping me to:

• Better understand my troubled dog

• Be more self-aware

• Think and act distance

• Not worry about what others think

• To slow things down

  The course is so clear and well laid out with logical progression. It has given me the confidence to put into practice what I knew to be the right way to live with my dogs.” SMcD

“The good news is that I can see that my dog and I have made loads of progress since starting this programme- we are both more confident (very rarely hear a low growl these days from either of us), lead walking is good, recall excellent, we are good friends (very good), He is more confident around other dogs off lead and can hold back or have a quick hello then move on, he can walk through a field of sheep (on lead) and not react and this morning did not bat an eyelid at a couple of horse riders who passed us. More recently we’ve made a real effort with BAT and he can watch other dogs at a distance calmly whilst being on the lead.” JS

“I can read and/or listen and comprehend pretty well. But when I visually SEE how something is done --THAT is what helps me learn the best. So your demonstrations of real dogs with real owners learning for the first time is HUGE and EXTREMELY encouraging. After I watched the BAT videos, I thought -- "OOOOH, we can do that!" Thank you so very much. Owning a growly dog has been quite unexpected and many times frustrating, so any pressure that can be removed is invaluable! Again--I cannot thank you enough. Looking forward to what the next few weeks hold with our new revelation of BAT! “TC

Why is my dog reactive?

It’s natural for people to question things.

And especially when that “thing” is having a major unwanted effect on their life!

So “Why is my dog reactive?” is a question I hear often.

And the questioner often furnishes what they think the answer may be. These “reasons” can range from:

He’s a rescue dog

I think he was beaten

He missed out on socialisation

He was over-socialised

He was attacked as a puppy (“attacked” can mean anything from being stared at to being torn apart, I have learnt)

He had a bad breeder / bad breeding / bad start

We went to a bad puppy class

He never went to puppy class

.. and so it goes on.

Now whether any of those things are true, and - more to the point - whether they have any bearing on how your dog is now, can never be quantified.

Keen to learn more to help your Growly Dog? Get our free e-course here and get started!

It’s been proven that fears can be hereditary. Even that the position in the womb can affect a puppy’s mindset! And while all the research goes on - you have a dog to look after.

The fact is that your dog is reactive!

.. or anxious, nervous, shy, “aggressive” …

This is what we know, for sure - so why not start there?

Start from where you are

It really doesn’t matter why your dog is reactive or fearful. He just is.

A family may have two or more children who are poles apart in character. Same parents, same genes, same environment, same diet, same everything.

And yet they are totally different. We all know families like this - maybe even have a family like this!

Perhaps one child is brave and fearless and dives into everything.

While another is shy and reserved, lacks confidence, and prefers to be a wallflower.

Thing is - we get the children we’re given! We don’t have too much say in the matter.

And we love them just the same.

Choosing your dog

So why not view your dog the same way?

Maybe you went to great lengths to choose a breed you thought would suit you, the gender that seemed right for you. You hunted till you found a good breeder, checked the lines, made your choice.

Or perhaps you took pot luck - picking a dog from a shelter, or inheriting a dog from someone else.

I can tell you now, that there is more variation between individuals than there is between breeds.

In other words, two dogs of the same breed - even from the same litter - will be individual. Not clones. Individual.

Your collie may be afraid of things that run fast, your spaniel may have no interest in using his nose, your GSD may be sound-sensitive, your lapdog may hate laps …

So, to some extent, no matter how carefully you choose, you are taking a gamble.

First of all, be kind

Your dog can’t help how he is. He didn’t choose to be afraid. He just is.

And fear of some kind, whether inbred or acquired, is at the bottom of most reactivity.

So let’s cut him some slack.

He may not be the dog you had hoped for.

He may never be a good agility dog, or working dog - which is why you got him.

He may never be comfortable in strange places, or with strange people or dogs.

But that’s not his fault!

It’s just the way it is!

No need for whywhywhy - it just is.

You chose him.

So you need to do what you can to make his life with you the best it can be. If that limits what you can do with this dog, then so be it.

More love on offer

Just about all the reactive dogs I have ever known are wonderful family pets. They are utterly devoted to their people. They are fun to have around - at home.

I’d go so far as to say there is no bond like the bond between your reactive dog and you.

You have to put so much work in to keep him - and you - happy.

And in so doing, you understand him so much better. You build his confidence, slowly but surely (this can take years).

And your dog knows (once he’s no longer a terrified screaming furry blob on a walk) that you love him and will protect him.

What better pet could you wish for?

Want some help with your challenging dog? Explore our free and premium courses for growly dogs, where you'll find practical, force-free training to help you understand your dog better and enjoy calmer walks together.

MY DOG DOESN’T LIKE OTHER DOGS: 5 STEPS TO STOP THE BARKING AND LUNGING

First published on positively.com and reprinted here with permission

We’ve all seen it.

Person and dog are walking along the street.

Dog spots another person or dog and goes ballistic. Barking, lunging, ducking and diving, in a flurry of teeth and claws, looking for all the world as if she wants to eat everyone in her path.

Then we see the poor owner trying to deal with this explosion. Usually he tries to restrain the dog physically, shout at her, maybe yank her around on her leash, before beating a disorderly retreat to lick his social wounds and repair his dignity.

The social pressure to appear to be in control of your group - whether they be people or animals - is very strong.

And if we let it, it will make us act in a way we don’t like, indeed a way which is not like us at all!

This can be doubly hard for men.

Why? Because they are expected to be totally in control. And to ensure by whatever means that that control is not challenged or defied. Inability to stop their dog kicking up trouble is perceived - erroneously - as a sign of weakness. So rationality goes out the window, and they act out of character.

The man who was dandling his baby on his knee an hour before is now yelling and yanking his dog about in a way he would hate to see on video. The question is: Why are people so quick to punish their dog?

But my dog is being defiant!

Let’s backtrack a little and find out first of all why your dog is doing this.

The answer, in the vast majority of cases, is fear.

Not aggression, viciousness, nastiness, defiance, stubbornness - just plain, tail-wetting fear.

It may be that the dog was not sufficiently socialised in the critical early weeks; it may be that she had a bad experience which has coloured her perception of strange people or dogs; or it may be that it’s just the way she is.

She’s a delight in the house, brilliant with the kids, but when she’s out she turns into a screaming monster. She sees something that frightens her. She’s on the leash so is unable to flee, so she does her best to look ferocious to repel the invader. She’s shouting “Get away from me! Look - I have teeth! Don’t make me use them!”

None of this is a challenge to your authority! So trying to be the boss is not going to help one bit.

The opposite is true. If your dog sees something that frightens her and then you weigh in and frighten her more, this is going to make matters a lot worse!

Shouting at your young daughter when she shows a fear of spiders is not going to help her overcome her genuine fear of them.

So it is with your dog.

So how can I have a calm walk without all hell breaking loose?

The harsh treatment of dogs advocated by some popular TV programs does not sit well with the way you choose to relate to your family. But there’s no need to treat your dog any differently!

Once you understand that your dog is afraid, this changes your response entirely. She is no longer to be castigated, rather to be helped to cope with a situation which is terrifying her.

This is where your strength and courage come in.

Without fear of what other people may think of you, you’ll be freed to make the right choices to change the dynamic - not just right now, but in the future too.

1. The first thing is to give your dog distance. If the other dog is too close at 30 feet, then get 60 feet away. Think of your little girl and the spider.

2. Let your dog know that she never has to meet a strange person or dog ever again - you will always move her away just as she sees them. Yes - this will turn your previously ordered and linear walk into a bit of a chaotic zigzag, but it will be a calm and peaceful zigzag! This will build her confidence to the extent that this step alone may eventually enable her to pass other dogs without comment.

3. Relax your hands. It’s highly likely (and totally understandable) that whenever you see anything approaching, you tighten the leash in a vice-like grip, tense up, breathe faster, and generally give the appearance of being just as afraid as your dog is! So do the opposite: breathe slowly, lower and relax your hands, say to your dog in a calm voice, “Let’s go!”, and head off in the other direction.

4. Ditch any nasty collars and gadgets promoted for keeping your dog under control. These can only serve to make her more frightened. Imagine putting a straitjacket on your frightened little girl and forcing her to confront the spider! It will magnify the fear immensely. Use a soft collar or harness and a loose lead. No chains. No spikes. No batteries.

5. Reward your dog when she does it right! As soon as you turn away from the impending threat - whether it be 10 feet or 100 feet away - congratulate her warmly on her brilliant self-control! Her lack of stress and distress will be a huge reward in themselves - feeling panicky and afraid is no fun. Always carrying some tasty treats in your pocket will make it crystal clear to her that she has done something that has really pleased you. Dish them out freely when she’s achieved a calm response. Scatter them on the ground for her to hoover up.

Softly, softly, catchee monkey

You are going to make huge strides forward, but you are also going to have setbacks.

See it as a slow progression. Fear is a very strong emotion and doesn’t disappear overnight. You’ll be able to look back in a while and say to yourself, “We couldn’t have walked past that dog a few months ago!”

As you switch from fearing other people’s opinions to focusing on your dog’s needs, you will know that you can make the right choices for your dog’s well being.

 You already do that with your family. Just forget about macho men on the TV beating up their dogs and treat your dog as you treat your children - with empathy and kindness.

It’s not about control, or showing who’s boss. It’s about ensuring the safety and happiness of everyone in your care.

Now you can have the calm walks that you crave!

For a four-part email course that will walk you through this, step by step, head over to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/growly-dogs

 

Leave your dog's past behind

Dogs, as I frequently remind you, live in the present.

It’s now they care about. And they are remarkably able to renew themselves every day.

While we want them to enjoy stability and routine - and that suits us as well! - they are so much more adaptable than many people seem to think.

There is no need to have set hours for rising, exercising, sleeping, eating. As long as these things happen during the day, your dog doesn’t care when they happen.

I’m often told, “My dog has to have his walk at x time or he becomes anxious / difficult / wild …”

But this is just a reflection of what you’ve taught him to expect - and what he’s taught you to comply with! ;-)

As long as your dog gets what he needs, it really doesn’t matter much when he gets it.

An interesting experiment

I’ve run a number of week-long workshops for thousands of owners of reactive dogs. And one thing I found happened with predictable regularity was that when I’d tell them how to make a massive change in their dog’s behaviour, they’d say, “Oh no, I couldn’t do that.”

If this was their response, it showed that their minds were not open. Not as open as their dogs’ minds!

For example, I’d tell them to keep their reactive dog home for three whole days. No walks. (There was a specific scientific reason for this, it wasn’t just a whim on my part.)

And they’d say, “No! My dog will be climbing up the wall! He’ll go mad with too much energy! He’ll never settle without his daily walk.”

Many of these folk were persuaded to give it a try anyway - persuaded by me or by their fellow workshoppers who already knew how well this strategy worked.

And they’d report back a few days later that they were blown away with how calm their previously anxious and agitated dog had become! They couldn’t believe how their dog had accepted this new regime.

They now had a dog calm enough to actually work with! They could now start to use the techniques I went on to teach them, and have a fighting chance of them being effective!

No dog can learn when in a constant hyped-up state - which is what the over-stimulation of worrying walks was giving them.

You see, these kind owners thought they were doing their best for their dog by continuing to do things which were actually making the dog worse!

They were set on their path and it was very hard to budge them off it - despite the fact that after years they were making little or no progress with their dog.

🐾 It was their dog who was able to show them what worked.

🐾 It was their dog who showed herself to be the more adaptable of the two!

🐾 It was their dog who had clearly read and understood these wise words from Yung Pueblo:

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, it just means we stop carrying the energy of the past into the present.

This is so perceptive, and so true!

We - humans, that is, not dogs - have a way of taking an experience and turning it into an unarguable fact. We set it in concrete. And we use it as a reference for ever more.

“This happened once, therefore it’s the way it will always be.”

No! That happened once. Decide what information and learning you want to take from the experience, and move on!

Your dog may have reacted in a certain way once. It doesn’t mean that’s the only way she can ever react!

She may need our input to show her a better way, but that means that our minds first have to be open to seeing that better way.

Many of the students in From Growly Dog to Confident Dog were despairing of moving forwards - BUT they had the open-mindedness to keep trying to find a way to help their unhappy dog (that’s what a reactive dog without help is - unhappy).

Here are some thoughts from a few of them:

This course has been a revelation. I don’t know where we’d be now if it weren’t for Beverley’s training, I just dread to think. - CR and Lois

The good news is that I can see that Rumpole and I have made loads of progress since starting this programme - we are both more confident. - JS and Rumpole

This past week she has walked past or near several dogs without a bark even though a couple barked at her. She has also said hello to some. I never thought it would be possible - but after 18 months of determination - it's paying off. I'm so glad I didn't give up - although several times have felt like it. The learning and structure of the course and this group has reassured me I'm doing the right thing and kept going - thank you. Keep going guys it really is worth it! - AT and Ginny

I have been in the From Growly Dog to Confident Dog program for just three months and I cannot believe the progress my dogs have made in such a short period of time. Your mission of trying to reach out to every person who wants to help their dog’s life improve is evident in everything you do. - SB, Charlie and Maggie

Want to leave your dog’s history behind and start a new life together? Start with this free Masterclass, and talk to me in the chat. I WILL understand you, and I will respond and help you as best I can.

Why Did My Dog’s Reactivity Get Worse, When I’m Trying My Best?

First published on positively.com and reprinted here with permission

Does your reactive dog seem to be getting worse?

More fearful, anxious, or aggressive - not less?

There are a few key strategies you can put in place very easily that will make a dramatic difference to how your dog perceives the world.

Here’s an excerpt from my three books on Growly Dogs - Essential Skills for your Growly but Brilliant Family Dog

This is Chapter 5 from the first book Why is my dog so growly? It’ll get you started on the road to change.

Chapter 5: Why did it get worse, when I’m trying my best?

It will get worse - unless dealt with

There are some things that dogs do that will go away on their own. Some puppy behaviours, like chewing, submission-weeing, digging, will simply evaporate if carefully managed. But there are other things - usually the things we really don’t want! - that will build and build, getting worse and worse, until we decide to act.

When we do something for the first time, a neural pathway in the brain is built. To begin with this pathway is fairly narrow and hard to find. Think, learning to drive a car - it’s all foreign to us and hard to remember the sequences. But the more we repeat that thing, the wider and brighter the neural pathway becomes until we can just slide down it without a thought. It becomes our go-to response. We can drive on auto-pilot!

So every time your dog does something, he’s building those neural pathways bigger and stronger. He doesn’t have to think hard, as the learner-driver would to locate which pedal to press. It becomes his automatic, instant, response. In the case of our reactive dog: “See dog: bark!”

While this all started as a fear response, it’s now become a habit as well. So while we change the fear response, we will also be teaching new and better habits.

It works for the dog 

If there’s something that’s frightening you, your first instinct is to get away from it. If you can’t get away from it, you’ll try to get it away from you. Hence some manic responses to a wasp in the house!

When your dog puts on a song and dance routine of barking, whining, lunging, and prancing, at the sight of another dog, he’s trying to get it to go away.

And this often works! Either

• the other dog is frightened off and moves away

• the other dog’s owner thinks “this is a nasty dog” and turns away, 

  OR

• the barking dog’s owner is shamed into beating a hasty retreat

If it works, he’ll keep doing it. Because he has no other course of action to rely on. 

Fight or Flight

This well-known expression really comes into its own with the reactive dog. It’s the reason many people think their dog is “fine” off-lead, but turns into a monster on-lead. As we saw in Chapter 1, this dog is usually not as “fine” as people think. It’s only because the off-lead dog has the freedom to move away (flight) that things don’t go badly wrong.

Once your dog is tethered to you, however, he knows he can’t flee, so this leaves only fight. This can all be made worse by the fact that he’s unable to express his body language and calming signals. It’s difficult to look nonchalant and relaxed if your head is being held up in the air.

Trapped in a tunnel!

This feeling of being restrained or trapped can also be made worse by being in a “tunnel”. This is the stuff of nightmares for many people: ahead is an all-consuming fire, behind is a crush of people and cars - panic!

For your dog this tunnel could be made up of walls and hedges and parked cars, as on a street pavement, or can be a real tunnel of a narrow footpath with walls and trees either side. Even being 10 yards from a field barrier - trees, or a hedge - can prompt the fight reflex, as the flight option is limited.

And what does the owner bring to this party?

Sadly, we often make this all far, far worse.

I know we don’t want to, and we think we’re doing everything we can to stop it. But we do tend to add fuel to the fire.

If you’re like 99% of reactive dog owners, you’ll be in a continuous state of shock and apprehension when out with your dog - just waiting for something to kick off. So you wind the lead round your hand a few times, just to be sure, to be sure. You keep your dog on a tight lead, close to you - as if creeping through enemy territory and waiting for mines to start exploding any moment.

And the second you spot another dog - BANG! Off goes the first mine. You gasp and breathe in sharply, you go trembly and flustery, you tighten that lead even further, gripping it to your chest. “Oh no!” says your dog, “What’s she so afraid of? What have I got to bark at?”

Your understandable fear and anxiety over your dog is now triggering your dog’s outburst. 

A loose cannon

It may be that, up to now, you’ve really had little understanding of why your dog behaves as she does. You know all too well how she behaves! It seems to you that she is unpredictable. She’s lovely at home, so why does she put on this other persona when out?

You’ve come to distrust your friend. 

And this feeling of unease, distrust, panic, seeps into even the calmest of walks. Your dog is now on her toes! If you’re afraid, then there must be something bad out there. Your dog will work hard to locate it and try and keep it away.

How stressful a pleasant walk with your dog has become!

This is no fun for either of you, and this is what we are going to change. But wait, there’s more you need to know first.

A social pariah

Maybe you’ve found that the only way out of this nightmare is to walk your dog at 5 in the morning, or at dead of night - at The Hour of the Difficult Dog. The only people you see are other owners of difficult dogs, who will scurry away like rats in the sunlight as soon as they spot you.

You have now become a social pariah. When you first got your dog, you had happy visions of companionable walks with friends and their dogs. What has happened? Walks have now become a chore. There’s no fun here for either you or your dog.

You know that what you’ve been doing up to now is not working. So here’s a complete turnaround for you - and you’ll be quite amazed at the difference it will make!

ACTION STEP 4

As soon as you spot another dog,

1. Relax

2. Soften your hands on the lead, keeping it loose


3. Breathe out


4. Say cheerily to your dog, “Let’s go!” while you turn and head the other direction

I can hear your protests already! Just try it. We’ll address problems and fallout later.

To read more, go to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/growly-boxset where you’ll find all three books in ebook and paperback and a box-set of all of them at once.

And to get started straight away with lessons to help your Growly Dog, watch our free Masterclass for Growly Dogs

"

Can you help my Reactive dog?

This is a question I get all the time!

You get a dog for your life and for your family because of all the pleasure it’s going to bring you.

You’ll be able to care for another creature, teach her and nurture her. You’ll be able to go for long tramps across hill and dale, enjoy a coffee at your local cafe, with friends. You’ll be proud to show off your dog to visitors to your home, and go for group walks with others and their pets in the park.

NOT.

It just didn’t work out that way for you.

Your dog is difficult. She barks at all comers. She shows her teeth to other dogs. You daren’t let her off the lead for fear of what may happen. And as for sitting quietly in a coffee shop or enjoying family visiting your home … that seems a pipe-dream.

And naturally you are grieving for the loss of your dog. The dog you thought you were getting.

I get that. I really do.

But all is not lost!

You really can enjoy many of those things. But you have to change a few things first.

 You think I mean you have to change your dog, don’t you!

Train him to within an inch of his life. Stop him pulling on the lead. Force him to change his attitude to other dogs, bikes, joggers, visitors …

But no, I don’t mean that.

What you have to do is change what you’re thinking! Yes, really! It’s not about teaching your dog a different way to be. It’s about looking at a different way YOU can be. A better way to reach your dog’s mind and make the changes you so devoutly desire.

Many people come to me in a state of near-despair. They think it’s all their dog’s fault. Or they think it’s all their fault.

Can you imagine the relief when they find that it’s neither their dog’s fault NOR their fault?

And the flood of relief they get when they find how easy it can be to change things - once they make the changes to their own thoughts first!

Results

I absolutely love it when I get emails like this one:

“Zoe is so much better in every way – much calmer, gaining confidence, more trusting of life. Thank you Beverley, for being there, and for all you do.”

Or how about this one?

“These training sessions with you really have been invaluable and Romy’s really benefitted so thank you very, very much from the three of us.”

 Or even this:

“The best thing that has come out of this program is that our relationship has just grown and grown – we both trust each other and look out for each other.”

I am touched that I have been able to help these good people and their equally good dogs!

And their results came mainly from how those owners changed their own thoughts and feelings about the whole “reactive dog” thing.

What to do next?

So, in an effort to reach more of you, and to help transform the lives of even more dogs and their people, I’m running a free Masterclass for your Growly Dogs (that’s shy, anxious, reactive, or aggressive, dogs) - entirely free.

I’d love you to come along and start on your own new journey with your much-loved dog.

Click here to find out just what you’ll get and how to sign up!

“I was feeling hopeless, overwhelmed, stressed and isolated. I felt like a failure because I did not know how to help my reactive dog ..... and then, one fine day, I found Beverley Courtney.”

This could be your story too!

And to get started straight away with lessons to help your Growly Dog cope with our world, watch our

Free Masterclass for Growly Dogs