Labelling your dog and yourself

We have a deep desire to fit in, to find our box. And we have an equally strong desire to place everyone else in the box we choose for them - and expect them to stay there. I remember a teacher who would move a troublemaking child to the desk right in front of her, saying “Sit there where I can keep an eye on you.”

You want to be able to control other people (more about the hopelessness of this task further down the page . . .) and you think that by controlling them you can keep control over your whole world.

If we needed any further evidence of the futility of this plan, recent global events should have shown us!

But while we may acknowledge that we can’t control the mass of humanity, or a tiny virus, we may still continue to try to control our family, our neighbours, our dog, and anything that doesn’t fight back!

Labels

And the easiest way to do this is to apply a label.

“Once you brand yourself with a label – you have created an identity for yourself. Once you create an identity for yourself – it’s human nature to instinctively, impulsively, and unconsciously defend that identity.” Randy Gage

So - “You are lazy,” “I am a slow reader,” “My dog is stubborn,” “I’m too old for that,” “You are untidy,” “My dog never comes when he’s called,” “I’m no good at business,” are all labels that we have applied at some time to ourselves, another person, or our dog.

And then the label kinda stuck.

In fact, these are all just thoughts.

And did you know, you can think anything whenever you want to!

You don’t think the same thoughts you did as a small child - about school, food, toys. You shouldn’t even be thinking the same thoughts as you did last week! We’ve moved on . . . So why think the same thoughts you did as a small child about your place in life, your value, your potential contribution?

It’s so easy for us to get sucked into actually believing this nonsense we come out with! It’s so easy for us to take up a protective posture with regard to these thoughts, as Randy says, and defend them to the death!

Your neighbour may see you as a friendly or an irritating resident. Your children may see you as an inspiration or a burden. Your dog may see you as the centre of his world or a killjoy. These thoughts are all in the mind of the observer. And they may all be true for them!

But they don’t have to be true for us.

Where does my dog fit into all this?

Your dog is just as able to change as you are. And all those people you plonk in boxes, hoping they’ll stay there, classified, so you don’t have to worry about what you think about them any more, can also change - in a moment, on a whim, without your permission.

If you remove the labels, especially from your dog, you may find a completely different relationship growing between you.

I can help you so much with your dog! Those of you with difficult, reactive, anxious, aggressive - Growly - dogs will get a great start with our free Masterclass

When I suggest to people that the “rescue dog” they’ve had for 5 years or 5 days is no longer a “rescue dog” but their dog, it is a revelation for many of them. Just removing that label alone transforms their way of being with their dog, their emotional response to their dog, their responsibilities, their acceptance.

What labels are you - perhaps unconsciously - applying to yourself and to your dog, and defending to the death?

And how would it affect your life if you consciously discarded the labels you have for yourself? Isn’t it time to bring them into the daylight and have a look at them dispassionately?

And if you’re troubled by your inability to peel off these labels from yourself, to clamber out of your self-imposed box, I’d love to help you with this, as I have helped others in the same predicament!

Contact me and let’s open a conversation about how you can change things and have a brighter future - whether for your dog or for that very important person: yourself.

New Puppies Everywhere!

There are puppies everywhere! As people went into Lockdown they thought it was time to bring a dog into their life. And now they’re enjoying their puppy . . . or perhaps not so much.

Now we know that many puppy purchases are made on the spur of the moment. That is sad, because it means no planning will have been done - no research on breed suitability for their home, no knowledge of breed/type proclivities, no idea what to feed or how to turn this new scrap into the companion dog they want. (Search in our extensive blog to find the answers to these important questions.) So it’s only a matter of time till it all comes apart.

Here’s a great starting place to get your new puppy to become your Brilliant Family Dog!

And there are those who think deeply, plan ahead, prepare, acknowledge that they don’t know it all, ask all the right questions (I love these people!) . . . but they still get stuck!

My inbox is always full of questions, and at the moment the questions are mostly about puppies. I’m happy to help, and that often includes pointing them to one of the multitude of free resources here at Brilliant Family Dog.

There is SO much information available to us on a daily basis. We are under a continual barrage of knowledge! They say that there is more information published in two days now than from the dawn of time up to our century. It’s impossible to keep up with it.

What you need to do is find someone who suits you and your style of interacting with the world, and stick to that person. That doesn’t, of course, have to be me. While I have masses to offer you - hundreds of articles, nine books, two premium courses, and a plethora of free classes, workshops, courses and guides - it’s for you to choose who YOU think works best for you.

If your inbox is crammed daily with missives and sales letters from all the people you’ve followed in the past, the time has come to take the axe and unsubscribe from most of them.

They’re confusing you!

And what do we do when we’re confused? N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

If you take the axe to me as well, so be it. You need to be selective who you listen to. It’s your life, with your dog, so don’t expose yourself to all that information without strong filters!

So how does this affect your puppy?

Many of these emails have come about from confusion. “I read that you shouldn’t do xyz,” “I’ve been told not to do this or that,” “I’ve been following your suggestions, but when I add in [fashionable new thing] it all goes wrong.”

This is what happens when you try to grab information from everywhere you see it! And so often it’s from inappropriate sources.

Unless she’s qualified in canine behaviour, the woman next door (however nice she may be) can’t help you. And unless she’s qualified in canine behaviour, neither can your vet (however brilliant she is at operations and broken bones). You wouldn’t ask your postman how to craft a business letter just because he carries them! And you wouldn’t ask me how to treat pyometra just because I know about dog behaviour . . .

Horses for courses!

These folk who email me are keen to do their best for their puppy. But their continual trawling through the internet is confusing them so that they muddle up all the suggestions and end up confusing their dog as much as themselves! This is always made worse when they are beguiled by “balanced trainers”, tv personalities, and people who routinely use punishment and intimidation in their so-called “training”.

A what trainer?

I know it can be hard to spot these people when you’re not an expert yourself. One give-away is if they use anything other than a soft collar, a long lead, and a harness, on their dog. No need for chains, spikes, electronics - all those extra gadgets are there to make money for someone!

But often what they say gives it away. “Show him who’s boss,” “Be the leader,” “Be the alpha,” “Lead the pack,” “Keep him in his place,” “Eat and go through doors before your dog, to push him down the pecking order,” and so on.

Still not sure?

So ask yourself, would you adopt any of these ideas with your family?

No?

Of course you wouldn’t!

You do know, deep down, what’s right!

So no need to do it with your dog either, your little puppy, who you have chosen to become your friend and companion down the years.

Check out our free Workshop right now - you can be watching it within minutes ...

My dog is a **@%*$ and so am I

It always makes me sad when I see someone who thinks they’ve reached the limit of their potential.

It saddens me because they have put these limits on themselves. They may have got the idea from other people that they should stay in their box, keep quiet, not rock the boat. Or they have more pernicious beliefs to keep themselves under wraps - like “Who do you think you are?” “Who asked you anyway?” “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

If people say these things to you enough times you can actually come to believe them! It may have been the throwaway comment of an exasperated teacher - but it burrowed deep into your soul and has festered there for a lifetime.

It can happen so easily to us. A casual remark, a quick snipe, a condemnation born of frustration . . . and it has this desperate and lasting effect on our confidence.

What’s this got to do with dogs?

So how about your dog? Was there a time when you cursed him? (You’d be unusual if you’ve never wanted to!) Was there a time when you spoke dismissively of him? Have you ever called him insulting names, even apparently in jest? A nickname which was expressed in the moment and has somehow stuck? 

You see, I find that people who refer to their dog by rude names, even fairly mild ones, colour their own perception of their dog. They may not realise they’re doing this, but it’s a pernicious drip-drip of scorn and derision that is damaging for everyone concerned.

What we call something matters because it shapes how we think of it. Karen Overall

It’s essential to clean up your thinking!

These thoughts you may be having - of insufficiency, guilt, shame, or your dog’s hopelessness - will all become embedded in your mind, and become a self-fulfilling prophecy!

What you focus on is what you get.

What you think about most becomes your reality.

Whether this be “I’m useless,” or “My dog is stupid,” think about it hard enough and it will come to pass.

All change!

But it doesn’t have to be like this! You can start monitoring your own thoughts and the words you use in relation to your dog. Stop yourself when you’re talking to or about her, and check whether what you said was actually helpful, will help you move forward.

But the deep ingrained beliefs we have about ourselves may need a bit more digging to get the change you want. To be able to spread your wings and achieve what you know you really can in life. To do all those things you wanted to do - but just never felt ready for.

What dreams have you been stifling?

I’d love to help you with this, as I have helped others in the same predicament! Contact me and let’s open a conversation about how you can change things and have a brighter future - whether for your dog or for that very important person: yourself.

Dogs love the familiar

And by that, I don’t mean they love witch’s cats (though they may …)!

I mean that dogs love what they know. They love familiar walks, familiar houses, familiar foods, familiar people. To keep things familiar may mean restricting the size of their world. But the pay-off in terms of a relaxed dog can be well worth it.

Dogs love to know what’s happening next. This is why they make such great stock-herders. They know that when a ewe twitches her ear or looks away from the flock, she’s about to leg it! So the dog anticipates this movement and flies into action to thwart the sheepy escape plan.

You know the flurry of activity that ensues when you put on your coat or shoes and head towards the place where the leads are kept? Same thing.

Dogs are expert at stringing events together so that they immediately know that the first event in a series means that the rest is likely to follow. This anticipation can land the clever performance dog in trouble, when he tries to perform his whole dance or obedience routine at once!

BUT … the clever dog-owner uses this knowledge to his or her advantage!

Here I explain it in more detail, so you can come away from this free Masterclass Workshop working with a new skill

What does this mean for the family dog?

It means that you can set up your own series of events which you want your dog to follow.

Each thing you do is a predictor of the next thing - all culminating in something really good!

For instance, your sequence may be

1. Say dog’s name

2. Dog looks at you

3. Give dog a reward

If you teach this unwaveringly, you will guarantee an ever faster response from your dog to his name! You’re pleased, he’s pleased, happiness all round!

In the same way, if your sequence is

1. Say dog’s name

2. Dog looks at you

3. Ignore dog,

how long is it going to be before your dog stops bothering to look at you when you say his name? You are effectively teaching him that this particular sequence is not worth following. The inherent reward (be it a food treat or racing to cut off the sheep) is not there.

This is at the basis of everything I teach, and nowhere is it more important than with the Growly Dog.

So what does this mean for the Growly Dog?

Your Growly Dog (your reactive, shy, anxious, aggressive, dog) has set up a load of event sequences in his mind.

It may be that if you go for a walk he thinks he should be on edge because other dogs are going to appear in front of him. It happens every time, so it’s bound to happen again, in your dog’s mind. So he has to take the action he has found works to keep these dogs at a distance - bark and lunge and generally look ferocious.

It may be that when visitors come to the home things are not following the script. He feels he needs to act to keep these people out, because they don’t belong here.

And for some, the growliness is focussed on cars, or children, or cyclists.

Barking and lunging temporarily gives relief from the tensions and anxieties your dog is feeling. So it becomes his go-to response. This is now his sequence! So this is where we need to change things.

The very first thing is to remove the trigger entirely - the thing that kicks off the sequence in the first place. Once your dog can experience life without the upsetting thing at all, you can monkey with his sequence and change it so that the presence of another dog / visitor / cyclist actually predicts good things!

While you teach this, keep in mind that the familiar includes your local, regular walks. Save the outings to busy places and new territories for special occasions. The comfort of the familiar will help your dog relax.

There are many articles on this site that will get you started with this major change in your life. You can make that start here.

Better still, watch our free Masterclass and learn new strategies and techniques and start using them today!

Back to the Family Dog again

One of my favourite practices is to teach all my dogs matwork from very early on. They learn to lie on their mat whenever it appears, and relax.

Their sequence becomes

1. Mat appears

2. Lie on mat

3. Do nothing

Can you imagine how useful this is?! It translates easily to any other parking place you want to put your dog - a bed, a chair, a step - and your dog knows the sequence.

Puppies can learn this from a very early age like young Bailey here, on Week 3 of our Puppy training. And any dog can learn it fast.

You’ll wonder how you ever managed without this skill! The ultimate off-switch for your dog!

You’ll find the whole program laid out, step by predictive step in Calm Down!

The winding path - for our dogs and for us!

Wandering footpaths are a feature of my photos. And they're a feature of my life too, as well as yours. We are all on an endless journey. And we all have choices to make.

Our dogs take everything in their stride. They put their noses down and they explore their surroundings. They find what they like and they discard what they don’t like.

We can do the same!

We can look at our surroundings, our circumstances, and we can pick and choose. We don’t have to take everything life throws at us, or what gets thrown at us by other people, governments, natural and not-so-natural events!

We can decide what we want to keep in our life, and we can discard what we don’t want.

If you are burdened by expectation, guilt, or a desire to fit in, you’re not going to be able to make the choices that are right for you!

You have to choose yourself, from your heart, what aligns with your values. What is acceptable to you, not to society, family, colleagues …

What does the future hold for us?

We have no idea!

No-one can know what will happen tomorrow, next year, later today . . .

The best we can do is to keep our minds open, and explore - just as our dogs do - and find the hidden delights that are strewn across our path, but which we so often trample over in our hurry to get . . . somewhere else.

I love finding surprises on my walks. And I’ve been finding lots of hearts recently! Here’s a nice one that Coco is inspecting.

You may think it’s just a stone.

Aha! Nonono!

It’s a sign that love is everywhere. Beauty is everywhere. But it’s easy for us to miss it in our hurry through life.

Driving through the Burren - a magical limestone pavement in Ireland, full of flowers which grow nowhere else - a friend asked of a farmer on the road where he may see the flowers.

Slowly and deliberately, the old soul replied, “You’ll not see anything, hurtling through at thirty miles an hour.”

So true!

The beauty of the world is there for us. Our task is to look beyond the humdrum and see it.

Am I on the right path?

You may have been racing along your path for so long that you’ve forgotten to check that it’s the right path for you!

Does it fill you with joy, every day? Does your heart sing when you wake in the morning and see what your day holds? Or do you get a sinking feeling, a feeling of dread, as you contemplate your day?

Sometimes we need a little nudge in the right direction, to ensure we don't go off track. Sometimes we can give ourselves that nudge. And sometimes we need someone else to do it for us.

Do you have a safe someone? Contact me if you are still searching.

Learn a new way to interact with your dog which you will both love!

Your dog and hot weather

It’s not that hot in England right now. But it is June, which means there is the possibility of a hot day. And the trouble is, we’re not that used to the heat.

Friends in the US and the Far East and Australia tell me that their heat is frequently up in the 90s, so they’re adept at managing their homes and their lives to accommodate this.

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But it can be very easy to think that how you experience the heat is how your dog will experience it! How wrong can we be?

You’ve met young Coco Poodle … well, he hasn’t time to stay still and rest. And he certainly doesn’t have time to think in the moment! So if Cricket the Whippet, with her thin coat, huge heart and lungs, and lean form specially adapted to losing heat as fast as possible takes off after a rabbit, Coco will hurtle off with her!

He’s very, very fast - which is why so many miniature poodles do well in agility competitions - but he can’t clock 35 mph like Cricket can without something going amiss.

A cautionary tale

Recently - on a pleasant, sunny but not particularly hot, day - this is just what happened. They took off after a rabbit.

They both came back soon enough - a quick chase is what they enjoyed. (Don’t worry! They don’t do anything with the rabbit when they overtake it, they just leave and come back, knowing the fun is over.)

Cricket panted lightly for a minute or two, but Coco was panting heavily, his tongue a large spoon shape that showed just how much heat his body was trying to lose. Back on lead again I expected him to recover quickly as usual.

But this day, over the next few minutes, he gradually got worse.

As we headed homeward I was looking out for waterways without blue-green algae, and which were accessible.

Coco started to hang back and plod.

I hunted more urgently.

Coco’s legs started to splay, he was gasping, and he became unable to walk.

So I had no choice but to scoop him up and race to clean water as quickly as possible. Once I found some we could scramble down to, I attached 10 feet of lead to his harness and lowered him in at the edge. The water was over his ankles, the harness holding him upright.

Gradually I moved him further into the water, in stages. I knew it was important not to rush this bit.

Eventually the water reached his ribs. After standing him shoulder deep in the water for about 5 minutes, he became perkier, slowed his panting and took a drink.

He was able to do the last part of our walk back to the car on his own four feet.

Phew! What a relief!

The cooling episode could have been speeded up a bit if I’d been able to reach him and splash some water on his head and back, to accelerate heat loss through evaporation. But slowly does it is the way to go.

Is your dog like Coco?

It’s important to know how to manage your individual dog. While Cricket recovered with absolute ease from her burst of speed - this is, after all, what Whippets are brilliantly designed for, and also why they feel the cold so much - Coco naturally has a warm tightly-curled coat. I keep it short most of the year, and take care to shear him more frequently in the summer months.

The other two dogs who hadn’t taken off chasing were fine. In fact they’re older and more sensible than Coco and can manage their body-heat pretty well.

But Coco … aaahhh … Coco! He’s in too much of a hurry to think a lot of the time. So I have to manage things for him. Now that I’m aware of how easily he can get beyond himself heatwise, I can ensure it doesn’t happen again. As my students know well, one of my maxims is “If you don’t want something to happen, don’t let it happen!”

So if it’s warm or close and there are rabbits about, young Coco stays on lead till it’s safe. Though I always stay aware of where we can find water, just in case!

What to do?

There are some useful suggestions here to help you manage your dog in hot weather.

Always remember that what seems ok for us may absolutely NOT be ok for your dog! Err on the side of caution. Things can go wrong fast.

The answer lies in prevention, management, and knowing what to do.

Of course, as that article shows, heat can also affect your dog’s mood. Learn how to access and influence your dog’s state of mind easily in our free Workshop

Watch our free Workshop and learn how to communicate effectively with your dog or your new puppy, right from the start!