I can’t leave any food anywhere - my dog will steal it!

First published on positively.com and reprinted with permission 

We expect visitors - even quite young children - to leave our food alone. If we put a plate of cakes on the table, we don’t assume that our guest will grab the plate and wolf them all down! We expect them to wait politely till they are offered a cake - and then to take just the one.

We teach children this polite behaviour pretty early on. So why do we expect the opposite from dogs?

Why do we assume that they’ll steal anything that’s not nailed down, then say, “Ah well, it’s only a dog. What can you expect?”

I can tell you that I expect a lot: and what’s more, I get it!

What you expect is what you’ll get

Just think how life will improve when you can leave food on the kitchen counter, cake on the coffee table, shopping bags on the floor … I’ve even known people who have to shut the dog away when they’re eating or he’ll intercept the forkful of food on its way to their mouth!

And what about your favourite pair of shoes gnawed and chomped, the flower beds scattered over the lawn, your expensive phone now defunct? All this hooliganism, mayhem, and destruction can be changed to peace and harmony (cue birdsong).

Children and dogs alike

Plenty of us would struggle to leave this plate of doughnuts alone - but Cricket is managing it very well, without being told. Illustration from "Leave It!"

I once heard a new father say - somewhat wistfully - “I suppose we’ll have to put away anything we value now …”

“Not at all!” said his mother, “You just teach Emily to leave those things alone.”

And that’s exactly what you need to do with your dog: teach him.

He arrives on this planet an opportunist raider, a scavenger. Anything edible is clearly for him. He won’t learn what he can have by being bellowed at when he makes a wrong choice! In fact, this is a sure method for encouraging your puppy to steal.

Why?

Because every time he takes something you don’t want him to have, he gets a guaranteed performance of singing, shouting, squawking, dancing, and the greatest game of the lot - Chase!

Pretty soon you’ve taught your dog exactly how to get excitement and action. Sadly, this is precisely what you do not want.

So you need to embark on a program of explaining to him what he may have - and that will bring him a reward - and what he may not have, which will result in no reward. And here “no reward” includes no singing, shouting, or dancing, and especially no chasing.

Coco poodle is only 16 weeks old in this photo, yet he already knows that food at nose level is not for him. I left my lunch on the stool, saw his response and went to find my phone to take a picture of this happy scene. It was not a set-up, in other words. I hadn’t told him to do or not do anything.

It’s just a snapshot of everyday life in a household of four dogs, none of whom will steal my food. Or anything else I don’t want them to have.

The best way to start this is by just showing your dog that you have good food in your hand, then closing your fingers over it so he can’t snatch it. He’ll now go through a sequence of sniffing, licking, nibbling, pawing, your hand. Stay still! And wait. Eventually he’ll stop for just a moment, and pull back from your hand. Only when he can stay away from your hand do you give him one of your tasty treats.

From this foundation you build up very gradually and consistently, till your dog becomes an expert at this and knows straight away when something is for him, and when it’s not. This will include a dropped box of chocolates, the Sunday roast slipping out of the pan onto the floor, a dropped bottle of pills, the children’s toys, something long-dead in a field. And your shoes.

You can always add a vocal cue, like “Leave it”, later on. And that can be useful in some situations - perhaps when your young dog is curious about something he’s seen on the street but that you know is dangerous. But I like to make this a default behaviour which needs no cue. You don’t need to remind your guest not to pinch the cakes!

By the way, for English readers, here’s a load of money off a super food I regularly use and here’s another where you can get a big discount using this link - they provide high-quality fishy treats and foods, which are firm favourites with my crew!

For those of you who’d like the exact recipe for teaching this, you’ll find step-by-step guidance in Leave it! How to teach Amazing Impulse Control to your Brilliant Family Dog, the second book in the series of Essential Skills for a Brilliant Family Dog. You’ll have a full program which gradually turns your dog into a family member with impeccable manners!

You can choose paperback , ebook or audiobook

Why is my dog biting me?

This question usually comes as a bit of a whine. People take it personally!

Now, if the biting is serious, intentional, does damage, then you need to seek professional help - “boots on the ground” as a wise colleague puts it. You need a force-free trainer to see just what’s going on, and help you make the necessary changes to make sure everyone is safe. That includes your dog. A dog who bites and does damage is definitely not safe - his life is at risk!

But let’s assume you have a dog who is enthusiastically taking lumps out of your jumper sleeves, grabbing your hands, tugging on your trousers or socks - but without any malicious intent. This is misdirected excitement.

You don’t need to take it personally! He’s not trying to hurt you. He just wants to play, and you haven’t yet taught him how.

This dog simply doesn’t know how to play according to our rules!

Puppies learn in the litter in weeks 6-8 that playing rough loses you playmates. The other pups will shun a painful biter until he mends his ways. This is the reason those two weeks are SO important!

And it’s why you should never take a puppy less than 8 weeks old.

It’s the most labour-intensive time for a breeder, and this is where genuine breeders earn their money.

“Greeders”, puppy-farmers, people who couldn’t be bothered and whose bitch was “caught”, are not going to want to spend time with this additional work. But it’s vital.

It’s when your puppy learns bite inhibition.

Bite inhibition

This is what we call a soft mouth. Your dog understands how to inhibit his bite so he can adapt it to what the teeth are touching.

Rule 1: Dogs’ teeth never touch human skin.

And they learn this very fast when they are young enough to take the lesson quickly, at a few weeks old.

They can still learn it when they’re older, of course! But it takes a little more sustained input from you.

Tug

Tug is the best game ever for teaching this. Your dog can enthusiastically grab, chomp, tug, and play with you, with perfect control of his gnashers.

He moves from high arousal to thoughtful control.

In the Brilliant Family Dog Academy we teach people just how to achieve this happy state! And it’s all done without any NOOOs or nose-taps or any other form of punishment.

It’s a game you can both enjoy - for life.

In this image you can see 9-week-old Coco waiting for the cue to start play - and then his vigorous tugging in the image at the top of the post!

Puppy Nipping

People write for advice with their pup’s nipping. They often say, “I expected him to bite, but I thought it would stop now he’s 6 months old …”

There are three fallacies here -

1. Any biting should stop within his first week with you.

2. Such rewarding fun (you dance and squawk and get excited) is not going to go away on its own: you have to train your dog how you want him to play.

3. AND - what you expect is what you get!

That goes for everything, in dog training - and in life. If you expect him to bite you, that’s just what will happen.

So follow the guidance in this post:

https://www.brilliantfamilydog.com/blog/10-ways-to-stop-puppy-biting

Whatever age your dog is, you can change this!

For more about the Brilliant Family Dog Academy I mentioned above, watch our free Workshop and learn all about how you can transform your Li’l Nipper into your Brilliant Family Dog!

 

Is it my dog? Or is it me?

For your dog to change, you need to change!

This is the message emblazoned on our home page.

And some people will take one look at that and say, “No, I’m perfect: it’s my dog that’s all wrong!” And they’re gone.

That’s sad, because their dog is now denied the possibility that their owner might change!

But those with more perception, more thoughtfulness - you, obviously, as you’re reading this! - see that there is truth in this.

You see, dogs - just like us - are responsive, sentient beings. They don’t just DO. They respond.

Something happens; you do something; they do something. It’s like a game of ping-pong, where you bat things back and forth. If what you bat back to your dog is harsh, self-centred, punitive, you have alienated him and he’s not going to “play ball” any more.

But if you look at what happened, work out why your dog did what he did, and respond with encouragement or distraction or take it as a teaching moment, then you can engage your learner and make some solid progress!

“How can I stop my dog doing xyz?”

My inbox is full of these questions on a daily basis. If I responded harshly, saying that they’re approaching it all wrong, I would lose that person. They’d take offence and go off in a huff. Result: life doesn’t improve, dog stays in trouble!

But I take my own advice from the paragraph above, and make my reply a teaching moment!

These correspondents are repeating what they understand is necessary, what they’ve been told by others: that this creature is wilful and difficult, and needs to be controlled, prevented, contained, in order to have a peaceful home.

But in fact the reverse is true! The more choice you give your dog, the better result you will get.

More choice = more harmony!

I’m pleased that someone has read what I wrote and sees me as someone trustworthy, who can help them. This is to be encouraged! I’m passionate about getting the word on force-free training out as far as is possible.

It’s just like tennis (I do love the summer tennis season!): you lose every point where you don’t hit the ball back in play.

So instead of alienating these readers by castigating them, I encourage them to view things differently and get the result they want.

I explain that instead of trying to stop your dog doing something, it’s infinitely more effective (and faster!) to teach him to do something else instead.

Can you catch yourself?

Sometimes, even an accomplished dog-owner can slip up! You may catch yourself having a knee-jerk reaction to your dog. Maybe because you’re tired, busy, flustered, embarrassed …

Be sure to catch those moments and see how you can change them for the better.

A little reflection, putting yourself in your dog’s paws, may show you why he did what he did, and how you can help him to make a better choice next time.

We all keep learning - dogs and people - every single day!

If you need help putting this theory into practice, be sure to watch our free Workshop on getting your dog to LISTEN, without nagging, cajoling, or bribery!

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You and your dog are good enough

How often have you seen something you want then stopped yourself and said “That's not for me.”?

 (And what does this have to do with our dogs?)

This feeling of insufficiency can show up in many ways .... basically as “I’m not good enough”. And how daft is that? Are you not a capable human being who has got where you are in your life by doing things? You can do lots of things I couldn’t begin to do.

So where did this come from? And more to the point how do we show it the door?

Getting rid of that unhelpful voice in your head is essential to get where you want to be in life.

And for our dogs …

Thing is, if you think that about anything, you may think it about other things too - notably about how you can improve your life with your dog.

Now not everyone wants to become a dog trainer! Not everyone wants to immerse themselves in deep study just to get along with their pooch!

But so many of the niggles and disagreements you have with your dog right now can disappear and float away in a moment - if you have the right approach.

You see, it’s often - in fact, it’s usually - NOT the dog.

“Yes it is!” you say, “My dog does xyz, he’s stubborn / difficult / deaf / self-willed …”

But did you know that if YOU change something that YOU’RE doing, your dog can change - magically, instantly?

Sources of conflict can evaporate. Life is enhanced. You get the Brilliant Family Dog you wanted when you first got your dog.

It’s not the thing itself that makes us feel one way or another. It’s how we respond to that thing.

If you call your child and he says, “in a minute …” you can wait.

OR you can erupt and say “GET HERE THIS MINUTE WHEN I CALL YOU I EXPECT YOU TO COME” etc. Now you’re probably feeling fractious, annoyed, taken advantage of . . . and you generated all that by yourself!

If you’d just given the child a moment, he’d probably have got there soon enough and everyone would be calm and happy.

It’s just the same with your dog!

Dog vs. Owner

Many people turn their days into a sparring match with their dog. Quite unnecessarily!

Everything becomes a major issue. Your dog’s actions are interpreted as “defiance”, “trying to rule the roost”, “out of control”.

Have a look at what this open-minded reader said to me, about the lessons she learned in my free Workshop.

“I’ve watched the Workshop and immediately started doing the three things you suggested. I left the choice to her when I wanted her to do something - honest to God I can’t believe it is that simple - she’s much calmer and responsive, and as a result we are calmer - or is it the other way around?

She got lots of praise and a reward - she was so chuffed with herself too!

I will continue to ensure we practice this - even my husband could see the difference and the sense in it!

Thank you so much for sharing this information - definitely my a-ha moment!”  TW

I was particularly touched because

a. She listened with an open mind, tried out the lessons - and found they worked!

b. She went to the trouble to tell me and thank me. Folk are usually quick to chide but slow to bless.

Owner vs Dog

Sadly, there are those who are not so open or ready to learn. They may well be thinking in some way that they’re “not good enough” though they may not admit this to themselves. It’s a simple fear of failure that prevents them having a go and seriously giving the lessons a try.

And it’s a shame that both they and their dog miss out by playing small.

There are plenty of people like my correspondent above who throw themselves wholeheartedly into this new way of existing with their dog - with the splendid result that they are all happier and the whole family operates more smoothly.

Want to know what TW found worked so well?

Watch our free Workshop here and really give the lessons a go. Then you can be writing a triumphant email to me! I look forward to seeing that.

Leave your dog's past behind

Dogs, as I frequently remind you, live in the present.

It’s now they care about. And they are remarkably able to renew themselves every day.

While we want them to enjoy stability and routine - and that suits us as well! - they are so much more adaptable than many people seem to think.

There is no need to have set hours for rising, exercising, sleeping, eating. As long as these things happen during the day, your dog doesn’t care when they happen.

I’m often told, “My dog has to have his walk at x time or he becomes anxious / difficult / wild …”

But this is just a reflection of what you’ve taught him to expect - and what he’s taught you to comply with! ;-)

As long as your dog gets what he needs, it really doesn’t matter much when he gets it.

An interesting experiment

I’ve run a number of week-long workshops for thousands of owners of reactive dogs. And one thing I found happened with predictable regularity was that when I’d tell them how to make a massive change in their dog’s behaviour, they’d say, “Oh no, I couldn’t do that.”

If this was their response, it showed that their minds were not open. Not as open as their dogs’ minds!

For example, I’d tell them to keep their reactive dog home for three whole days. No walks. (There was a specific scientific reason for this, it wasn’t just a whim on my part.)

And they’d say, “No! My dog will be climbing up the wall! He’ll go mad with too much energy! He’ll never settle without his daily walk.”

Many of these folk were persuaded to give it a try anyway - persuaded by me or by their fellow workshoppers who already knew how well this strategy worked.

And they’d report back a few days later that they were blown away with how calm their previously anxious and agitated dog had become! They couldn’t believe how their dog had accepted this new regime.

They now had a dog calm enough to actually work with! They could now start to use the techniques I went on to teach them, and have a fighting chance of them being effective!

No dog can learn when in a constant hyped-up state - which is what the over-stimulation of worrying walks was giving them.

You see, these kind owners thought they were doing their best for their dog by continuing to do things which were actually making the dog worse!

They were set on their path and it was very hard to budge them off it - despite the fact that after years they were making little or no progress with their dog.

🐾 It was their dog who was able to show them what worked.

🐾 It was their dog who showed herself to be the more adaptable of the two!

🐾 It was their dog who had clearly read and understood these wise words from Yung Pueblo:

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, it just means we stop carrying the energy of the past into the present.

This is so perceptive, and so true!

We - humans, that is, not dogs - have a way of taking an experience and turning it into an unarguable fact. We set it in concrete. And we use it as a reference for ever more.

“This happened once, therefore it’s the way it will always be.”

No! That happened once. Decide what information and learning you want to take from the experience, and move on!

Your dog may have reacted in a certain way once. It doesn’t mean that’s the only way she can ever react!

She may need our input to show her a better way, but that means that our minds first have to be open to seeing that better way.

Many of the students in From Growly Dog to Confident Dog were despairing of moving forwards - BUT they had the open-mindedness to keep trying to find a way to help their unhappy dog (that’s what a reactive dog without help is - unhappy).

Here are some thoughts from a few of them:

This course has been a revelation. I don’t know where we’d be now if it weren’t for Beverley’s training, I just dread to think. - CR and Lois

The good news is that I can see that Rumpole and I have made loads of progress since starting this programme - we are both more confident. - JS and Rumpole

This past week she has walked past or near several dogs without a bark even though a couple barked at her. She has also said hello to some. I never thought it would be possible - but after 18 months of determination - it's paying off. I'm so glad I didn't give up - although several times have felt like it. The learning and structure of the course and this group has reassured me I'm doing the right thing and kept going - thank you. Keep going guys it really is worth it! - AT and Ginny

I have been in the From Growly Dog to Confident Dog program for just three months and I cannot believe the progress my dogs have made in such a short period of time. Your mission of trying to reach out to every person who wants to help their dog’s life improve is evident in everything you do. - SB, Charlie and Maggie

Want to leave your dog’s history behind and start a new life together? Start with this free Masterclass, and talk to me in the chat. I WILL understand you, and I will respond and help you as best I can.

Starting out with your new puppy

First published on positively.com and reprinted with permission 

You’ve been planning for months, and at last your new puppy is here! Your expectations are enormous: this is going to be the perfect dog you’ve always wanted.

And maybe that’s right, and your little puppy will become your Brilliant Family Dog.

But for many of us - and for many of our puppies - we have to work hard to achieve that perfect dog. Just as you have to work at your career, or your relationship with your partner, to make the best of it, so you have to work with your new puppy to build a powerful bond where you understand each other so well. It won’t all fall into place without a good bit of effort!

Your puppy’s personality

While you can expect a certain type of personality if you choose a particular breed or type, this is by no means guaranteed! Dogs, like us, are individuals.

There are plenty of whippets, for instance, who love nothing better than a rabbit chase, and there are plenty more who will watch the rabbits race past without raising an eyebrow. Some collies will herd anything, down to a blade of grass or a matchstick, while others are not even interested in toy play.

So you can’t necessarily expect the breeding to have done the work for you! You may have to spend quite some time getting your whippet pup interested in chasing, or your collie keen to play.

But if the inborn drives are strong, this is a good thing! Those instinctive drives will be tremendously useful to you as your training progresses. Imagine having the perfect reward you can offer your dog whenever she does something you like! While using treats is a great way to train - all dogs like food: they have to, or they’d starve to death - you should also build in alternative rewards early on.

One of your early tasks will be to figure out just what your new puppy loves best, so that you can use those things as rewards to get the results you want.

How do I get this crazy puppy to do what I want?

And how do you get the results you want, so that you can reward them? It’s pretty simple if you remember a few key points.

1. DOGS DO WHAT WORKS

They have no wish to rule the universe - they do what will bring them what they want. This is where understanding just what it is that they want is vital!

2. REWARD WHAT YOU LIKE

The stress here is on reward. Don’t bribe! Don’t offer food in the hope of getting what you want. The reward should always come after your puppy has done what you want. Sometimes they’ll be surprised, sometimes they’ll be working methodically towards their reward.

3. REWARD THE SMALLEST THING YOU LIKE

What I mean here is that you don’t wait for a perfect, smart, snappy, sit before dishing out your reward. As soon as your puppy makes any move whatever in the direction of a sit (a rear paw may step forward) you reward that tiny movement. Gradually, as understanding grows, you’ll be able to reward the whole smart, snappy, sit. But don’t hold out for that at the start, or your puppy will have no idea what you want and give up!

4. ALL-DAY TRAINING

No need to have ring-fenced “training sessions” where you go on and on at your puppy till he’s bored senseless. Training is something that happens all the time, at any time, spontaneously. We don’t line up our children in the morning and run through their shoulds and shouldn’ts for the whole day! We just chip in as the day goes by, teaching them at appropriate moments. So your puppy learning to wait at the door happens because we never open the door till the pup is still - or even better, sitting. It takes an extra second or two each time, and the reward? A treat? Nope - opening that door to let the pup fly out to the garden with you!

Your Action Step for today: get yourself a suitable lead that will work *for* you, not against you! This needs to be 6-8 feet in length, and soft and comfortable in your hands. To help you get the right walking gear for your puppy you can download a free guide here. 

It’s more about attitude than technique

So while a lot of your “training” will happen spontaneously, tiny bits at a time, there’s still a place for more formal methods - especially for the vital recall and for comfortably walking next to you on the lead. There are plenty of tricks of the trade which will help you immeasurably. And this is where going to a force-free puppy class will be an excellent experience for you and your puppy - where you’ll meet other people and dogs in a controlled and calm environment where your puppy’s individual character will be recognized and nurtured.

But some of you will be in a force-free desert where it’s impossible to find a suitable class which you’d take a dog flea to, never mind a dog. Never fear!

Take a look at the Brilliant Family Dog Academy which will teach you everything students at my “live” puppy classes learn, only at your own pace and in your own home. You’ll be given careful guidance on how to manage the vital socialisation for your puppy, as well as techniques to give you a confident dog who is happy to fit in with you and do what you want. And you’ll get massive support from your fellow students, who will understand just what you’re up against in your little pup!

Meanwhile, the most important thing to do with your puppy is to carry him everywhere with you and - enjoy him!

Want a bible to help you through this stage?

Go to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/new-puppy book page and get New Puppy! in ebook, audiobook, or paperback.

Is your dog or your little puppy throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Workshop and find how to change things fast!