Is it my dog? Or is it me?

For your dog to change, you need to change!

This is the message emblazoned on our home page.

And some people will take one look at that and say, “No, I’m perfect: it’s my dog that’s all wrong!” And they’re gone.

That’s sad, because their dog is now denied the possibility that their owner might change!

But those with more perception, more thoughtfulness - you, obviously, as you’re reading this! - see that there is truth in this.

You see, dogs - just like us - are responsive, sentient beings. They don’t just DO. They respond.

Something happens; you do something; they do something. It’s like a game of ping-pong, where you bat things back and forth. If what you bat back to your dog is harsh, self-centred, punitive, you have alienated him and he’s not going to “play ball” any more.

But if you look at what happened, work out why your dog did what he did, and respond with encouragement or distraction or take it as a teaching moment, then you can engage your learner and make some solid progress!

“How can I stop my dog doing xyz?”

My inbox is full of these questions on a daily basis. If I responded harshly, saying that they’re approaching it all wrong, I would lose that person. They’d take offence and go off in a huff. Result: life doesn’t improve, dog stays in trouble!

But I take my own advice from the paragraph above, and make my reply a teaching moment!

These correspondents are repeating what they understand is necessary, what they’ve been told by others: that this creature is wilful and difficult, and needs to be controlled, prevented, contained, in order to have a peaceful home.

But in fact the reverse is true! The more choice you give your dog, the better result you will get.

More choice = more harmony!

I’m pleased that someone has read what I wrote and sees me as someone trustworthy, who can help them. This is to be encouraged! I’m passionate about getting the word on force-free training out as far as is possible.

It’s just like tennis (I do love the summer tennis season!): you lose every point where you don’t hit the ball back in play.

So instead of alienating these readers by castigating them, I encourage them to view things differently and get the result they want.

I explain that instead of trying to stop your dog doing something, it’s infinitely more effective (and faster!) to teach him to do something else instead.

Can you catch yourself?

Sometimes, even an accomplished dog-owner can slip up! You may catch yourself having a knee-jerk reaction to your dog. Maybe because you’re tired, busy, flustered, embarrassed …

Be sure to catch those moments and see how you can change them for the better.

A little reflection, putting yourself in your dog’s paws, may show you why he did what he did, and how you can help him to make a better choice next time.

We all keep learning - dogs and people - every single day!

If you need help putting this theory into practice, be sure to watch our free Workshop on getting your dog to LISTEN, without nagging, cajoling, or bribery!

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10 ways to make travel ok for your reactive dog

Now Lockdowns are lifting - a little or a lot - people are planning holidays again! And you may want to take your dog away with you. For most dogs, this is a fun adventure! 

But for a shy, anxious, apparently aggressive, reactive - Growly - dog, this may be no fun at all, unless you plan carefully in advance.

It’s quite possible to take trips with your reactive dog - and I do regularly with mine - but you have to take extra steps to ensure that everyone enjoys the holiday.

So here are some thoughts for you to consider:

1. If possible, leave her at home. Failing that, a dogminder who your dog trusts may be the answer. If you think she really will find the whole thing too stressful and ruin everyone’s enjoyment, not taking her will be a good choice.

   But if you do decide to take her, here you go:

2. Choose a self-catering type of accommodation - like b&b, camping, campervan, caravan - rather than hotel. Check well ahead for dog-friendly beaches etc - especially in high season.

3. Take her crate, bed, usual food and treats, bowls, water bottle, toys, brush, towel, poo-bags, etc with you. A playpen can be a huge addition, for indoor or outdoor use. Don’t forget her lead, harness, muzzle if worn, and your long line! If your dog’s not used to being in a crate, practice short absences in the months before your trip.

4. Plan coffee stop-offs on the journey where your dog can enjoy a short, quiet, walk. Some motorway service stations have excellent walks from the site.

5. If she doesn’t normally like crowded spaces, strangers and strange dogs, remember she still won’t like them on holiday! If you’re all to enjoy this break, her views have to be as high on the agenda as your own.

6. Ensure your dog’s id disc has your mobile number on it. If not already done, microchip your precious dog!

7. Check for new hazards at your chosen destination - snakes, deer to chase, steep cliffs, poisonous plants …

8. Avoid a holiday with vast numbers of extended family, and NO new dogs on the same trip!

9. Appoint ONE person who is always responsible for your dog, her comfort, her meals, her whereabouts. This will avoid the dread of, “But I thought you were watching her!” 

10. Ensure you have secure travelling arrangements for your vehicle, that your dog already enjoys car rides, and your dog won’t be left in a vehicle unattended.

Put these points into practice, and you’ll have a great holiday! And if you’ve already cracked the code, do comment below on what your reactive-dog holidays are like. We love ours!

And for extra help before you go, be sure to watch our free Masterclass for your Growly Dog!

MY DOG DOESN’T LIKE OTHER DOGS: 5 STEPS TO STOP THE BARKING AND LUNGING

First published on positively.com and reprinted here with permission

We’ve all seen it.

Person and dog are walking along the street.

Dog spots another person or dog and goes ballistic. Barking, lunging, ducking and diving, in a flurry of teeth and claws, looking for all the world as if she wants to eat everyone in her path.

Then we see the poor owner trying to deal with this explosion. Usually he tries to restrain the dog physically, shout at her, maybe yank her around on her leash, before beating a disorderly retreat to lick his social wounds and repair his dignity.

The social pressure to appear to be in control of your group - whether they be people or animals - is very strong.

And if we let it, it will make us act in a way we don’t like, indeed a way which is not like us at all!

This can be doubly hard for men.

Why? Because they are expected to be totally in control. And to ensure by whatever means that that control is not challenged or defied. Inability to stop their dog kicking up trouble is perceived - erroneously - as a sign of weakness. So rationality goes out the window, and they act out of character.

The man who was dandling his baby on his knee an hour before is now yelling and yanking his dog about in a way he would hate to see on video. The question is: Why are people so quick to punish their dog?

But my dog is being defiant!

Let’s backtrack a little and find out first of all why your dog is doing this.

The answer, in the vast majority of cases, is fear.

Not aggression, viciousness, nastiness, defiance, stubbornness - just plain, tail-wetting fear.

It may be that the dog was not sufficiently socialised in the critical early weeks; it may be that she had a bad experience which has coloured her perception of strange people or dogs; or it may be that it’s just the way she is.

She’s a delight in the house, brilliant with the kids, but when she’s out she turns into a screaming monster. She sees something that frightens her. She’s on the leash so is unable to flee, so she does her best to look ferocious to repel the invader. She’s shouting “Get away from me! Look - I have teeth! Don’t make me use them!”

None of this is a challenge to your authority! So trying to be the boss is not going to help one bit.

The opposite is true. If your dog sees something that frightens her and then you weigh in and frighten her more, this is going to make matters a lot worse!

Shouting at your young daughter when she shows a fear of spiders is not going to help her overcome her genuine fear of them.

So it is with your dog.

So how can I have a calm walk without all hell breaking loose?

The harsh treatment of dogs advocated by some popular TV programs does not sit well with the way you choose to relate to your family. But there’s no need to treat your dog any differently!

Once you understand that your dog is afraid, this changes your response entirely. She is no longer to be castigated, rather to be helped to cope with a situation which is terrifying her.

This is where your strength and courage come in.

Without fear of what other people may think of you, you’ll be freed to make the right choices to change the dynamic - not just right now, but in the future too.

1. The first thing is to give your dog distance. If the other dog is too close at 30 feet, then get 60 feet away. Think of your little girl and the spider.

2. Let your dog know that she never has to meet a strange person or dog ever again - you will always move her away just as she sees them. Yes - this will turn your previously ordered and linear walk into a bit of a chaotic zigzag, but it will be a calm and peaceful zigzag! This will build her confidence to the extent that this step alone may eventually enable her to pass other dogs without comment.

3. Relax your hands. It’s highly likely (and totally understandable) that whenever you see anything approaching, you tighten the leash in a vice-like grip, tense up, breathe faster, and generally give the appearance of being just as afraid as your dog is! So do the opposite: breathe slowly, lower and relax your hands, say to your dog in a calm voice, “Let’s go!”, and head off in the other direction.

4. Ditch any nasty collars and gadgets promoted for keeping your dog under control. These can only serve to make her more frightened. Imagine putting a straitjacket on your frightened little girl and forcing her to confront the spider! It will magnify the fear immensely. Use a soft collar or harness and a loose lead. No chains. No spikes. No batteries.

5. Reward your dog when she does it right! As soon as you turn away from the impending threat - whether it be 10 feet or 100 feet away - congratulate her warmly on her brilliant self-control! Her lack of stress and distress will be a huge reward in themselves - feeling panicky and afraid is no fun. Always carrying some tasty treats in your pocket will make it crystal clear to her that she has done something that has really pleased you. Dish them out freely when she’s achieved a calm response. Scatter them on the ground for her to hoover up.

Softly, softly, catchee monkey

You are going to make huge strides forward, but you are also going to have setbacks.

See it as a slow progression. Fear is a very strong emotion and doesn’t disappear overnight. You’ll be able to look back in a while and say to yourself, “We couldn’t have walked past that dog a few months ago!”

As you switch from fearing other people’s opinions to focusing on your dog’s needs, you will know that you can make the right choices for your dog’s well being.

 You already do that with your family. Just forget about macho men on the TV beating up their dogs and treat your dog as you treat your children - with empathy and kindness.

It’s not about control, or showing who’s boss. It’s about ensuring the safety and happiness of everyone in your care.

Now you can have the calm walks that you crave!

For a four-part email course that will walk you through this, step by step, head over to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/growly-dogs

 

You and your dog are good enough

How often have you seen something you want then stopped yourself and said “That's not for me.”?

 (And what does this have to do with our dogs?)

This feeling of insufficiency can show up in many ways .... basically as “I’m not good enough”. And how daft is that? Are you not a capable human being who has got where you are in your life by doing things? You can do lots of things I couldn’t begin to do.

So where did this come from? And more to the point how do we show it the door?

Getting rid of that unhelpful voice in your head is essential to get where you want to be in life.

And for our dogs …

Thing is, if you think that about anything, you may think it about other things too - notably about how you can improve your life with your dog.

Now not everyone wants to become a dog trainer! Not everyone wants to immerse themselves in deep study just to get along with their pooch!

But so many of the niggles and disagreements you have with your dog right now can disappear and float away in a moment - if you have the right approach.

You see, it’s often - in fact, it’s usually - NOT the dog.

“Yes it is!” you say, “My dog does xyz, he’s stubborn / difficult / deaf / self-willed …”

But did you know that if YOU change something that YOU’RE doing, your dog can change - magically, instantly?

Sources of conflict can evaporate. Life is enhanced. You get the Brilliant Family Dog you wanted when you first got your dog.

It’s not the thing itself that makes us feel one way or another. It’s how we respond to that thing.

If you call your child and he says, “in a minute …” you can wait.

OR you can erupt and say “GET HERE THIS MINUTE WHEN I CALL YOU I EXPECT YOU TO COME” etc. Now you’re probably feeling fractious, annoyed, taken advantage of . . . and you generated all that by yourself!

If you’d just given the child a moment, he’d probably have got there soon enough and everyone would be calm and happy.

It’s just the same with your dog!

Dog vs. Owner

Many people turn their days into a sparring match with their dog. Quite unnecessarily!

Everything becomes a major issue. Your dog’s actions are interpreted as “defiance”, “trying to rule the roost”, “out of control”.

Have a look at what this open-minded reader said to me, about the lessons she learned in my free Workshop.

“I’ve watched the Workshop and immediately started doing the three things you suggested. I left the choice to her when I wanted her to do something - honest to God I can’t believe it is that simple - she’s much calmer and responsive, and as a result we are calmer - or is it the other way around?

She got lots of praise and a reward - she was so chuffed with herself too!

I will continue to ensure we practice this - even my husband could see the difference and the sense in it!

Thank you so much for sharing this information - definitely my a-ha moment!”  TW

I was particularly touched because

a. She listened with an open mind, tried out the lessons - and found they worked!

b. She went to the trouble to tell me and thank me. Folk are usually quick to chide but slow to bless.

Owner vs Dog

Sadly, there are those who are not so open or ready to learn. They may well be thinking in some way that they’re “not good enough” though they may not admit this to themselves. It’s a simple fear of failure that prevents them having a go and seriously giving the lessons a try.

And it’s a shame that both they and their dog miss out by playing small.

There are plenty of people like my correspondent above who throw themselves wholeheartedly into this new way of existing with their dog - with the splendid result that they are all happier and the whole family operates more smoothly.

Want to know what TW found worked so well?

Watch our free Workshop here and really give the lessons a go. Then you can be writing a triumphant email to me! I look forward to seeing that.

Leave your dog's past behind

Dogs, as I frequently remind you, live in the present.

It’s now they care about. And they are remarkably able to renew themselves every day.

While we want them to enjoy stability and routine - and that suits us as well! - they are so much more adaptable than many people seem to think.

There is no need to have set hours for rising, exercising, sleeping, eating. As long as these things happen during the day, your dog doesn’t care when they happen.

I’m often told, “My dog has to have his walk at x time or he becomes anxious / difficult / wild …”

But this is just a reflection of what you’ve taught him to expect - and what he’s taught you to comply with! ;-)

As long as your dog gets what he needs, it really doesn’t matter much when he gets it.

An interesting experiment

I’ve run a number of week-long workshops for thousands of owners of reactive dogs. And one thing I found happened with predictable regularity was that when I’d tell them how to make a massive change in their dog’s behaviour, they’d say, “Oh no, I couldn’t do that.”

If this was their response, it showed that their minds were not open. Not as open as their dogs’ minds!

For example, I’d tell them to keep their reactive dog home for three whole days. No walks. (There was a specific scientific reason for this, it wasn’t just a whim on my part.)

And they’d say, “No! My dog will be climbing up the wall! He’ll go mad with too much energy! He’ll never settle without his daily walk.”

Many of these folk were persuaded to give it a try anyway - persuaded by me or by their fellow workshoppers who already knew how well this strategy worked.

And they’d report back a few days later that they were blown away with how calm their previously anxious and agitated dog had become! They couldn’t believe how their dog had accepted this new regime.

They now had a dog calm enough to actually work with! They could now start to use the techniques I went on to teach them, and have a fighting chance of them being effective!

No dog can learn when in a constant hyped-up state - which is what the over-stimulation of worrying walks was giving them.

You see, these kind owners thought they were doing their best for their dog by continuing to do things which were actually making the dog worse!

They were set on their path and it was very hard to budge them off it - despite the fact that after years they were making little or no progress with their dog.

🐾 It was their dog who was able to show them what worked.

🐾 It was their dog who showed herself to be the more adaptable of the two!

🐾 It was their dog who had clearly read and understood these wise words from Yung Pueblo:

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, it just means we stop carrying the energy of the past into the present.

This is so perceptive, and so true!

We - humans, that is, not dogs - have a way of taking an experience and turning it into an unarguable fact. We set it in concrete. And we use it as a reference for ever more.

“This happened once, therefore it’s the way it will always be.”

No! That happened once. Decide what information and learning you want to take from the experience, and move on!

Your dog may have reacted in a certain way once. It doesn’t mean that’s the only way she can ever react!

She may need our input to show her a better way, but that means that our minds first have to be open to seeing that better way.

Many of the students in From Growly Dog to Confident Dog were despairing of moving forwards - BUT they had the open-mindedness to keep trying to find a way to help their unhappy dog (that’s what a reactive dog without help is - unhappy).

Here are some thoughts from a few of them:

This course has been a revelation. I don’t know where we’d be now if it weren’t for Beverley’s training, I just dread to think. - CR and Lois

The good news is that I can see that Rumpole and I have made loads of progress since starting this programme - we are both more confident. - JS and Rumpole

This past week she has walked past or near several dogs without a bark even though a couple barked at her. She has also said hello to some. I never thought it would be possible - but after 18 months of determination - it's paying off. I'm so glad I didn't give up - although several times have felt like it. The learning and structure of the course and this group has reassured me I'm doing the right thing and kept going - thank you. Keep going guys it really is worth it! - AT and Ginny

I have been in the From Growly Dog to Confident Dog program for just three months and I cannot believe the progress my dogs have made in such a short period of time. Your mission of trying to reach out to every person who wants to help their dog’s life improve is evident in everything you do. - SB, Charlie and Maggie

Want to leave your dog’s history behind and start a new life together? Start with this free Masterclass, and talk to me in the chat. I WILL understand you, and I will respond and help you as best I can.

Starting out with your new puppy

First published on positively.com and reprinted with permission 

You’ve been planning for months, and at last your new puppy is here! Your expectations are enormous: this is going to be the perfect dog you’ve always wanted.

And maybe that’s right, and your little puppy will become your Brilliant Family Dog.

But for many of us - and for many of our puppies - we have to work hard to achieve that perfect dog. Just as you have to work at your career, or your relationship with your partner, to make the best of it, so you have to work with your new puppy to build a powerful bond where you understand each other so well. It won’t all fall into place without a good bit of effort!

Your puppy’s personality

While you can expect a certain type of personality if you choose a particular breed or type, this is by no means guaranteed! Dogs, like us, are individuals.

There are plenty of whippets, for instance, who love nothing better than a rabbit chase, and there are plenty more who will watch the rabbits race past without raising an eyebrow. Some collies will herd anything, down to a blade of grass or a matchstick, while others are not even interested in toy play.

So you can’t necessarily expect the breeding to have done the work for you! You may have to spend quite some time getting your whippet pup interested in chasing, or your collie keen to play.

But if the inborn drives are strong, this is a good thing! Those instinctive drives will be tremendously useful to you as your training progresses. Imagine having the perfect reward you can offer your dog whenever she does something you like! While using treats is a great way to train - all dogs like food: they have to, or they’d starve to death - you should also build in alternative rewards early on.

One of your early tasks will be to figure out just what your new puppy loves best, so that you can use those things as rewards to get the results you want.

How do I get this crazy puppy to do what I want?

And how do you get the results you want, so that you can reward them? It’s pretty simple if you remember a few key points.

1. DOGS DO WHAT WORKS

They have no wish to rule the universe - they do what will bring them what they want. This is where understanding just what it is that they want is vital!

2. REWARD WHAT YOU LIKE

The stress here is on reward. Don’t bribe! Don’t offer food in the hope of getting what you want. The reward should always come after your puppy has done what you want. Sometimes they’ll be surprised, sometimes they’ll be working methodically towards their reward.

3. REWARD THE SMALLEST THING YOU LIKE

What I mean here is that you don’t wait for a perfect, smart, snappy, sit before dishing out your reward. As soon as your puppy makes any move whatever in the direction of a sit (a rear paw may step forward) you reward that tiny movement. Gradually, as understanding grows, you’ll be able to reward the whole smart, snappy, sit. But don’t hold out for that at the start, or your puppy will have no idea what you want and give up!

4. ALL-DAY TRAINING

No need to have ring-fenced “training sessions” where you go on and on at your puppy till he’s bored senseless. Training is something that happens all the time, at any time, spontaneously. We don’t line up our children in the morning and run through their shoulds and shouldn’ts for the whole day! We just chip in as the day goes by, teaching them at appropriate moments. So your puppy learning to wait at the door happens because we never open the door till the pup is still - or even better, sitting. It takes an extra second or two each time, and the reward? A treat? Nope - opening that door to let the pup fly out to the garden with you!

Your Action Step for today: get yourself a suitable lead that will work *for* you, not against you! This needs to be 6-8 feet in length, and soft and comfortable in your hands. To help you get the right walking gear for your puppy you can download a free guide here. 

It’s more about attitude than technique

So while a lot of your “training” will happen spontaneously, tiny bits at a time, there’s still a place for more formal methods - especially for the vital recall and for comfortably walking next to you on the lead. There are plenty of tricks of the trade which will help you immeasurably. And this is where going to a force-free puppy class will be an excellent experience for you and your puppy - where you’ll meet other people and dogs in a controlled and calm environment where your puppy’s individual character will be recognized and nurtured.

But some of you will be in a force-free desert where it’s impossible to find a suitable class which you’d take a dog flea to, never mind a dog. Never fear!

Take a look at the Brilliant Family Dog Academy which will teach you everything students at my “live” puppy classes learn, only at your own pace and in your own home. You’ll be given careful guidance on how to manage the vital socialisation for your puppy, as well as techniques to give you a confident dog who is happy to fit in with you and do what you want. And you’ll get massive support from your fellow students, who will understand just what you’re up against in your little pup!

Meanwhile, the most important thing to do with your puppy is to carry him everywhere with you and - enjoy him!

Want a bible to help you through this stage?

Go to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/new-puppy book page and get New Puppy! in ebook, audiobook, or paperback.

Is your dog or your little puppy throwing up more challenges than you anticipated? Watch our free Workshop and find how to change things fast!