We’re all pretty fluent in human body language. We know when someone’s giving us the cold shoulder, looking quizzically, folding their arms to form a barrier showing resistance to what we’re saying. It’s all part of our rich communication skills.
But what if we had no speech? What if this were the only way we could communicate?
That’s where dogs find themselves!
Your puppy arrives with you, a few weeks old, with little idea what these great lumbering creatures of another species are doing with him.
He has no idea how to communicate!
So he’ll try barking; flattening himself on the floor; running away; jumping up; trying to play inappropriately (e.g. with your trouserlegs). Eventually, if all he gets is shouting or punishment*** in response, he’ll resort to snarling. This means he’s frightened of you! He may feel he needs to get in first with a snap in order to stop you doing whatever it is you’re doing.
*** By “punishment” I’m not suggesting you’re beating your dog with a stick! Punishment means anything that is unpleasant - so it could be ignoring, yelling, confiscation, banishment, pushing or pulling ..
Sometimes, the puppy has found this is the only way to get attention from you.
This is a sad state of affairs, and one which many new puppy-owners find themselves in. They mistakenly think they need to discipline their puppy.
Do you discipline a newborn baby? Of course you don’t! You lavish her with love and affection, studying her all the time to find out her needs and wishes.
Disciplining a puppy is confrontational. That is not what you want with anyone you’re trying to build a relationship with.
So this is where the sensitive owner needs to step in and make it clear what communication works and what doesn’t.
Get the basics down first
The first thing to do is establish some basics:
A proper housetraining program is in operation. Get your free Cheatsheet for Errorless Housetraining here
Your puppy is getting all the sleep he needs, in a dedicated place where he cannot be disturbed.
YOU are getting all the sleep YOU need!
Your puppy is getting high-quality food in sufficient quantity at the right amount for his age
It always amazes me how many new dog-owners have no idea about these points. But if they aren’t met, you have little hope with the next part!
Sensitivity and understanding
Now you need to watch your dog like a scientist would.
🐾 What is he doing when?
🐾 Why is he doing it?
Take your personal feelings right out of the equation. This is not about you! It’s about a tiny creature of another species, who has found himself in a strange new world with people who don’t seem to understand him.
So if he does something you don’t like, don’t take it personally! Ask yourself what the reason may be for this.
A. Is he overtired? (HINT: this is normally the first reason for puppy “misbehaviour”, just as it is for toddlers.)
B. Is he hungry?
C. Is he bored?
D. Is this the fastest way for him to get your attention?
E. Are you telling him off for breaking some rule he does not know exists?
Start learning exactly what is going on, how your puppy is acting just before he does the thing you don’t want, then look for a way to change this without punishment, force, intimidation, or shouting.
Just as with that toddler, usually all that’s needed is to attend to one of the basics listed above. Once all those boxes are ticked, you can move on to distracting him with something interesting (movement, food, toy, outside) and teaching him how to play the way you’d like it - with toys and not your hands.
So what’s with the Dog Body Language?
To help you understand exactly what you are seeing - as you watch your puppy as a scientist would - have a look at this video which gives you a quick guide to how dogs express themselves.
So often people misunderstand what their dog is saying! They anthropomorphise their actions, ascribing motives where there are none.
Honestly, dogs just want a comfy billet and a quiet life. Is that what your new dog is getting with you?
Why Did My Dog’s Reactivity Get Worse, When I’m Trying My Best?
First published on positively.com and reprinted here with permission
Does your reactive dog seem to be getting worse?
More fearful, anxious, or aggressive - not less?
There are a few key strategies you can put in place very easily that will make a dramatic difference to how your dog perceives the world.
Here’s an excerpt from my three books on Growly Dogs - Essential Skills for your Growly but Brilliant Family Dog
This is Chapter 5 from the first book Why is my dog so growly? It’ll get you started on the road to change.
Chapter 5: Why did it get worse, when I’m trying my best?
It will get worse - unless dealt with
There are some things that dogs do that will go away on their own. Some puppy behaviours, like chewing, submission-weeing, digging, will simply evaporate if carefully managed. But there are other things - usually the things we really don’t want! - that will build and build, getting worse and worse, until we decide to act.
When we do something for the first time, a neural pathway in the brain is built. To begin with this pathway is fairly narrow and hard to find. Think, learning to drive a car - it’s all foreign to us and hard to remember the sequences. But the more we repeat that thing, the wider and brighter the neural pathway becomes until we can just slide down it without a thought. It becomes our go-to response. We can drive on auto-pilot!
So every time your dog does something, he’s building those neural pathways bigger and stronger. He doesn’t have to think hard, as the learner-driver would to locate which pedal to press. It becomes his automatic, instant, response. In the case of our reactive dog: “See dog: bark!”
While this all started as a fear response, it’s now become a habit as well. So while we change the fear response, we will also be teaching new and better habits.
It works for the dog
If there’s something that’s frightening you, your first instinct is to get away from it. If you can’t get away from it, you’ll try to get it away from you. Hence some manic responses to a wasp in the house!
When your dog puts on a song and dance routine of barking, whining, lunging, and prancing, at the sight of another dog, he’s trying to get it to go away.
And this often works! Either
the other dog is frightened off and moves away
the other dog’s owner thinks “this is a nasty dog” and turns away,
OR
the barking dog’s owner is shamed into beating a hasty retreat
If it works, he’ll keep doing it. Because he has no other course of action to rely on.
Fight or Flight
This well-known expression really comes into its own with the reactive dog. It’s the reason many people think their dog is “fine” off-lead, but turns into a monster on-lead. As we saw in Chapter 1, this dog is usually not as “fine” as people think. It’s only because the off-lead dog has the freedom to move away (flight) that things don’t go badly wrong.
Once your dog is tethered to you, however, he knows he can’t flee, so this leaves only fight. This can all be made worse by the fact that he’s unable to express his body language and calming signals. It’s difficult to look nonchalant and relaxed if your head is being held up in the air.
Trapped in a tunnel!
This feeling of being restrained or trapped can also be made worse by being in a “tunnel”. This is the stuff of nightmares for many people: ahead is an all-consuming fire, behind is a crush of people and cars - panic!
For your dog this tunnel could be made up of walls and hedges and parked cars, as on a street pavement, or can be a real tunnel of a narrow footpath with walls and trees either side. Even being 10 yards from a field barrier - trees, or a hedge - can prompt the fight reflex, as the flight option is limited.
And what does the owner bring to this party?
Sadly, we often make this all far, far worse.
I know we don’t want to, and we think we’re doing everything we can to stop it. But we do tend to add fuel to the fire.
If you’re like 99% of reactive dog owners, you’ll be in a continuous state of shock and apprehension when out with your dog - just waiting for something to kick off. So you wind the lead round your hand a few times, just to be sure, to be sure. You keep your dog on a tight lead, close to you - as if creeping through enemy territory and waiting for mines to start exploding any moment.
And the second you spot another dog - BANG! Off goes the first mine. You gasp and breathe in sharply, you go trembly and flustery, you tighten that lead even further, gripping it to your chest. “Oh no!” says your dog, “What’s she so afraid of? What have I got to bark at?”
Your understandable fear and anxiety over your dog is now triggering your dog’s outburst.
A loose cannon
It may be that, up to now, you’ve really had little understanding of why your dog behaves as she does. You know all too well how she behaves! It seems to you that she is unpredictable. She’s lovely at home, so why does she put on this other persona when out?
You’ve come to distrust your friend.
And this feeling of unease, distrust, panic, seeps into even the calmest of walks. Your dog is now on her toes! If you’re afraid, then there must be something bad out there. Your dog will work hard to locate it and try and keep it away.
How stressful a pleasant walk with your dog has become!
This is no fun for either of you, and this is what we are going to change. But wait, there’s more you need to know first.
A social pariah
Maybe you’ve found that the only way out of this nightmare is to walk your dog at 5 in the morning, or at dead of night - at The Hour of the Difficult Dog. The only people you see are other owners of difficult dogs, who will scurry away like rats in the sunlight as soon as they spot you.
You have now become a social pariah. When you first got your dog, you had happy visions of companionable walks with friends and their dogs. What has happened? Walks have now become a chore. There’s no fun here for either you or your dog.
You know that what you’ve been doing up to now is not working. So here’s a complete turnaround for you - and you’ll be quite amazed at the difference it will make!
ACTION STEP 4
As soon as you spot another dog,
1. Relax
2. Soften your hands on the lead, keeping it loose
3. Breathe out
4. Say cheerily to your dog, “Let’s go!” while you turn and head the other direction
I can hear your protests already! Just try it. We’ll address problems and fallout later.
To read more, go to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/growly-boxset where you’ll find all three books in ebook and paperback and a box-set of all of them at once.
And to get started straight away with lessons to help your Growly Dog, watch our free Masterclass for Growly Dogs
Permission for Dog Training
Whose permission do you have to get to train your dog?
NOBODY’S!!
🐾 You don't have to get permission from anybody to know how to look after your dog
🐾 You don't need my permission - and you certainly don't need some other dog trainer’s permission!
You need to rely on what you know is right, what you feel is right. It's your integrity that counts in the end.
You KNOW what is the right way to treat other people. And so you KNOW what is the right way to treat animals in your care.
Self-styled experts
There are, sadly, many so-called “dog trainers” who will tell you to do things that go against what you know to be right. They bamboozle you into thinking they know best, that your feelings are not important.
So many times people tell me that they were shamed into doing things with their dogs that they now deeply regret. It’s easy to understand how they were duped. They looked for professional help and sadly this is what happened to them. They were made to appear foolish and weak.
But the fact that they are now writing to me to thank me for turning their lives around and showing them a better way means that they have moved on! They no longer have to feel bad about something that happened in the past.
Here’s an excerpt from a long story sent to me by a reader of my Growly Dog Books (Essential Skills for your Growly but Brilliant Family Dog)
“I was told I wasn’t any good at helping my dog as I wasn’t winning respect with a firm voice (by this, our male trainer meant shouting) or not acting animated enough. I was told to condition her with punishment and when it failed, use pet corrector (spray) for reactivity, but my poor dog was just so terrified she shut down with the trainer (regrettably, and only thanks to you, I only know now that was her shutting down).
“On top of it, we were told to go out to the busiest road we can find and walk up and down it twice daily to expose her. As you can imagine, our dog got even more reactive afterwards. … I was pretty frightened of the trainer myself. He used to use us to show what not to do in front of a whole class; naturally, we were isolated in the class, with no one talking to us and poor our dog barking mad (literally!).
“My confidence level was pretty low then but I am so glad we stood by our dog until we found you. … We are forming a whole new level of bond that feels unbreakable. …
“I love the simplicity of being able to reward behaviour just because I like it. I feel so at ease and myself, not being told to shout or act crazy happy, which isn’t my natural temperament. Your books have shown me how to channel my instinctive mental states and behaviour to her in a helpful way.
“I feel guilty and ashamed to look back what I allowed both myself and our dog to go through with the other trainer. But the main thing is we are building a new relationship with her now. I am truly grateful.” MR
I am so happy that this reader was ready to keep looking for the right help. She knew, deep down, that what was happening was WRONG. She found my books and discovered a new way of being with her dog that fitted her belief system.
You can only act with the information available to you at the time. That’s why it’s so important to keep learning daily! To look forward with happy anticipation, not look back with regret. I spend a lot of money (many thousands of pounds annually) on increasing my knowledge and abilities, on an ongoing basis. Never stop learning!
“We are forming a whole new level of bond that feels unbreakable”
For me, this says it all. What’s it all about if you don’t enjoy the dog you got to be your companion? What’s life for if not to enjoy?
So don't go around looking for permission, or saying “I didn't know I could do that!” Find out what you need to do to make your dog happy
and just do that.
That way you can’t go wrong!
Want to make a start by getting your dog to LISTEN?
Watch our free Workshop and start the transformation that MR enjoyed!
CAN MY DOG BE STRESSED? - PART 3
This post was first published on positively.com and is reprinted here with permission.
Here is the third excerpt from my book - Building Confidence in your Growly but Brilliant Family Dog - which points out an area which will be affecting your dog much more than you may imagine. You may want to read the first and second parts of this series first: Can My Dog Be Stressed? - Part 1 and Can My Dog Be Stressed? Part 2
While you’re doing your best to improve the situation and you take a look at what may be making things worse, you cannot overlook stress.
Stress causes reactions to be exaggerated
Stress causes us to snap
Stress wears us out
And here’s another area of your dog’s life that could be building stress that may surprise you.
3. Daycare or a dogwalker
A very perceptive reader sent me this query recently: “My question is, what do you think of daycare for dogs? Are the dogs actually happy about it, or do dog owners just like to imagine they are?”
Some dogs love daycare. And some people love holiday camps with group activities. I have to say that’s not my kind of holiday, and I would find it very hard to cope and not one bit enjoyable.
I am not going to tar all daycares and dogwalkers with the same brush. There are some excellent ones, with dedicated and knowledgeable owners and good staff education programs. But I will say that you'll have to do extensive research to find a convenient, local one that is truly a safe place for your anxious dog to learn and develop.
Management skills
Think of the skills you need as a parent to prevent open warfare in your own household! Then picture a gang of dogs being thrown together for a walk - or all day in a confined area - in the care of people who may have no dog training or behaviour qualifications whatever. “I love dogs” may help, but it’s not a qualification. And given how long it takes us to learn how to care for our own species - and that a lot of what people think about dogs is wrong - you’re going to be lucky to find somewhere safe for your dog.
I was recently shown a promotional video for a daycare by someone who’s been sending her very reactive German Shepherd pup there for months. Even in this 30-second video - meant to show how wonderful the place was - I could see bullying and intimidation of this pup by other dogs, and no one going to her aid. Imagine what this sensitive puppy is subjected to for ten hours a day, five days a week! No wonder her reactivity is already extreme at only six months of age. What the owner thought as “being perfectly happy at daycare” was in fact a dog that spent all day trying to avoid the other dogs (quite impossible with those numbers of loose dogs) - shut down, in other words. Not fine at all.
For many dogs, daycare is viewed with the same suspicion I view that holiday camp!
Dogwalkers
If you have a good and responsible dogwalker, you are indeed fortunate! A dogwalker arrived at my regular walking spot recently. She opened her van doors and out flew five or six dogs. One planted his feet on my chest while the others hurtled around the roadside car park alarming other dogs before heading off on their walk. After 20 minutes she returned and drove away again. Would you be happy paying good money for that level of care every day?
My personal solution to an enforced absence from home is to have someone I trust to come in to let the dogs out in the garden and play with them for a while during the day. A “walk” is not needed.
If anything goes wrong in a daycare or with a dogwalker, you will be paying for that for years - possibly the rest of your dog’s life. You can spend time observing at a potential daycare. If they don’t like you quietly watching - move on. Think hard, and do a lot of homework, before handing your dog over.
Regardless of where you live, there will be fantastic, dedicated dogwalkers and daycare facilities that truly put the needs of the dogs in their care above all else. So seek out those above-and-beyond caretakers, and you and your dog will certainly reap the rewards!
Here are excerpt 1 and excerpt 2
Did you find this excerpt interesting? Here's what Book 3 looks like!
Or you can choose to get all three books at once, in paperback or ebook.
For a free e-course to help remove the stress from your life, and your dog’s life go to www.brilliantfamilydog.com/growly
And to get started straight away with lessons to help your Growly Dog, watch our free Masterclass for Growly Dogs
I’ve tried everything to change my dog …
I hear this loads!
◆ “I’ve tried everything …”
◆ “I tried this once and it didn’t work”
◆ “Nothing will change my dog.”
And I can tell you that you are mistaken. This should be music to your ears! There is a way forward, an end to your present frustration. Let’s have a look at these statements, one by one:
1. “I’ve tried everything …”
There are so many different methods in the world to train your dog - you can’t possibly have tried all of them! And there an awful lot you shouldn’t try at all, as they’ll actually make your dog worse. There are sadly, still many “dog trainers” and “dog behaviourists” who are - to put it bluntly - talking through their hats.
They dwell in a murky past where we are in control, and our dogs must do our bidding - or else. It’s the same mentality that used to beat children for naughtiness or “impure thoughts”. It’s been discredited for so long now, that I wonder which stone these people have been lurking under, that they have completely missed all the scientifically-backed discoveries about how our dogs’ minds actually work, and how we can get them to work in our favour.
You may have been misled by one of these people. It’s very hard for the “ordinary dog-owner in the street” to recognise them. And you went along with their suggestions, trying to do your best for your dog, only to discover that these actions made you feel sick, and made your dog worse into the bargain. Already afraid of the world, he’s now afraid of you - his only ally.
This comment from a student is something I see all too often:
“I never went back [to the class] but feel guilty to this day at having exposed him to that extreme and relentless intimidation, and not speaking up there and then.”
On the one hand it’s good because now this person has found a better way. But on the other hand it’s sad that they still feel guilty about it. I was able to reassure this person:
“We can only do our best with the information we have at the time. And you were doing your best. Sadly, those ideas are still prevalent in many places. So start from where you are. Don't worry about what went before.”
This student is now enjoying working with her dog, not against him, and seeing real progress. “We love the games - so effective!”
Even if you work with trainers who genuinely espouse positive reinforcement, if you’re “trying everything”, it suggests that what you’re trying isn’t working! If you’re struggling with a dog who you can’t connect with, or who is overcome with fear or fury when out on a walk, then you need someone who has worked through all this already, and who can guide you through a structured program to achieve the change you desire.
Guess who?
Not got a Growly Dog, just a naughty one?
Check out our free Workshop on getting your dog to LISTEN!
2. “I tried this once and it didn’t work”
Can you guess what I’m going to say here?!
BABY STEPS! 👣 🐾
We didn’t learn Calculus in Kindergarten. We started by counting buttons. Only gradually did we get the results we now have in arithmetic (and yes, you can do sums, even if you don’t like them much!).
Learning a new process to work through with your dog is just the same. It’s not something you can try, inexpertly, once - then dismiss. You need to commit to making the effort your dog deserves. Only by working through the given steps and assessing your progress can you say whether something “worked” or not.
This is where the value of having a teacher working with you really scores! Just throwing information at someone is not going to help them get it. People hunt all over the internet without discernment or direction, ill-equipped to assess or judge the source of the information (see my point under no.1 above) - of course they end up confused! And this is why my books are filled with troubleshooting advice for individual dogs, and my courses have a strong element of personal coaching to help you interpret and get the best out of the lessons.
You need patience! Rome wasn’t built in a day! It’s the gradual accumulation of knowledge and experience that is the answer you seek.
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. Robert Louis Stevenson
3. “Nothing will change my dog”
This is possibly the saddest of all. Your dog is a living being! And like you, she can change.
I have seen “hopeless cases” become much-loved family pets. I have seen dogs about to be re-homed, puppies about to be returned to the breeder, who are still in their homes to this day, thanks to their owners making a last-ditch attempt to find answers.
I’m appalled when I hear of dogs being thrown out of training classes for being too disruptive, too difficult, too dog. This demonstrates not only a lack of ability on the part of the class trainer, but a complete absence of willingness to help someone and their troubled dog.
This I see as my mission in life! I have never turned a dog away from any class of mine, and I never will. As a church-going friend put it, “The church is for sinners, not for saints.”
So please don’t think that as you’ve tried things before that didn’t work; you tried something new - full of enthusiasm - only to find it let you down; that your dog cannot change. It simply means that up to now you haven’t found the help you need.
I would love to give you that help, and those of you with Growly Dogs may be excited to find what I have for you in just a few days’ time. Today is a new day!
And to get started straight away with lessons to help your Growly Dog cope with our world, watch our
free Masterclass for Growly Dogs
It's not the dog, it's you! A simple way to stop leash reactivity
First published on positively.com and reprinted here with permission
Well, the dog started it.
But now you are making it worse (although you really, really don’t mean to).
What am I talking about?
It’s when you’re walking your dog, and your charming, delightful, sweet family dog transforms into a nasty, snarling, barking hooligan.
Just because she spotted another dog.
It’s utterly baffling to you - you feel embarrassed and frustrated. You love your dog and you hate the looks people are giving you, down their noses, clearly thinking your dog is horrible!
I know, because I’ve been there too.
But there is light at the end of this particular tunnel. It may have started recently or it may have been going on (and getting steadily worse) for ages. Either way, breathe a sigh of relief, because we can change things!
Let me explain first why your dog is doing what she’s doing.
Aren’t all dogs meant to be friendly?
Even the mildest dog can have a fear-reaction to something - and Spaniels, Labradors, you-name-its, are just as likely as any other breed to become fearful of dogs or people.
It may be something new, something invading her space, something that is sending out danger signals. It’s how both we and the dog deal with this that will dictate whether this now becomes a new behaviour pattern or whether your dog says “Ah well,” and moves on.
Dogs have an intricate body language of which many of us are blissfully unaware. Just like us, they don’t launch into a strong reaction to something - they start with subtle signals and work their way up if those signals are ignored.
Dogs don’t bite “out of the blue” - it’s just that no-one noticed them politely saying “Excuse me, but I’m not happy about the way you’re staring at me.”
Just as you would shuffle away if a stranger sat close beside you on a bus, a dog will avert his gaze, turn his head away, turn his body away, lick his lips, yawn - amongst other things - to show that he’s anxious and he’s not a threat to the other dog.
If that stranger on the bus persisted in leaning on you, you wouldn’t pull a knife on him! Depending on your personality you may get up and move, you may shout, you may appeal for help from the other passengers. You would gradually escalate your response as you found that your polite signs were not working - only when you feel seriously threatened does your knife come out!
So if another dog is staring at your dog - even worse, coming straight towards her - your dog will be going through her entire repertoire of calming signals in an attempt to persuade the dog that she’s not a threat and the other dog should stop advancing right now. If her messages are not heeded, then she has no option but to bring out the heavy artillery and “shout” at the other dog, putting on an immense display of power and fury and teeth to keep him away.
So when we walk our dog along the road and see another walker and dog coming the other way, we are putting our fearful dog in a difficult position.
If we then do what so many people do, consciously or unconsciously - that is to tighten the lead as soon as you see the dog - you are a) telling your dog that something is about to happen and you are anxious, and b) preventing her from giving any of her calming body signals! It’s hard to look shy and inconspicuous if someone is holding your head up in the air.
Read this post all about Dog Body Language
Keep your distance!
Add to this that dogs have a very strong idea about personal space. As indeed do we - only a dog’s personal space is way bigger than ours! The more frightened she is, the bigger her worry area will become, until a dog appearing in the far distance can be enough to trigger an outburst.
So while we may feel comfortable walking towards another person along a narrow pavement hemmed in by hedges and parked cars, your anxious dog will most definitely not feel comfortable! Heading in a straight line towards a strange dog is both rude and threatening for your dog (and for the other dog, too).
We are unwittingly stirring up a situation by expecting our dogs to conform to our social norms.
So what can I do?
Once you appreciate that your dog is not being nasty or suddenly turning aggressive - rather she is afraid - you can see things from her perspective.
Dogs do what works. And up to now, barking and lunging on the lead has worked, to an extent. Either the other owner thinks “That’s a nasty dog,” and moves away, or you - in your embarrassment and confusion - get outa there yourself.
So quite often, barking and making a to-do have caused the progress towards another dog to stop.
Action Steps
So here’s a plan:
Avoid narrow paths, alleyways, and “tunnels” - be they tunnels of fences and parked cars, or tunnels of bracken and hedgerow.
Walk in the middle of fields, rather than hugging the hedge.
As soon as you see another dog, your first response should be to relax your hands, exhale, and look around for an exit strategy - the exact opposite of what is probably happening now (clutching the lead with a vice-like grip, sharp intake of breath, rising panic, trying to make your dog sit . . .)
Calmly and cheerfully ask your dog to turn with you (be fun and exciting, not anxious and stern), and head away: cross the road, go down a turning - in some way get away from the advancing dog.
Congratulate your dog (and yourself!) warmly for the calmness you’ve both shown in the face of a big challenge.
6. Let your dog know that she never has to meet another dog again, as you will always move away.
7. Remember that Distance is Your Friend.
With this plan in hand there’ll be no need for you to walk only at The Hour of The Difficult Dog. You’ll no longer be avoiding other dogs - rather you’ll be positively looking out for them so you can practice your new-found skills.
Yes, I did say that - it’s really true!
And if you don’t believe me, see what Scruffy the Jack Russell Terrier’s owners said:
“Scruffy used to become frantic and scrape at the floor to get towards any dog he saw, even at a great distance. This was embarrassing and stressful. He is now able to look at other dogs and move away with us to continue his walk. This is a massive improvement in just a few weeks. It means that we no longer avoid dogs, but in fact go out looking for them so that we can work on his training.”
And the world will begin to see your lovely, affectionate and clever dog as you see her.
You may think I’m oversimplifying this, but if half the team gets it together then this is a great start and can stop things going further downhill.
Give this plan a try and tell me in the comments below what you have found.
